Never Sleep Alone

The New York Times published an article this week entitled, “Shhh . . . My Child Is Sleeping (in My Bed, Um, With Me)” which categorizes those who sleep with their kids in three ways: 1) intentional co-sleepers (e.g., those who believe it’s good for a child’s well-being and emotional development), 2) reactive (e.g., those who can’t get their kids to sleep any other way) or 3) circumstantial (e.g., when on vacation). I fall into all three categories.

From the moment Son #1 was born, he wanted to be held. Even in the hospital, when he fell asleep and I put him in the bassinet next to me, he immediately awoke. After repeated wake-ups, I finally propped the pillows on the side of my hospital bed so he wouldn’t tumble out, placed him next to me and we both fell asleep. We’ve been together ever since: 7.5 years.

Although we had one of those cribs that attaches to the side of the bed, it ended up housing my laptop – which at the time was a much-needed convenience given the preponderance of 3:00 a.m. emails at my previous job and my ancillary night-time feedings which corresponded nicely (no pun intended!).

People who heard about these sleeping arrangements either fully understood (i.e., did the same thing) or, conversely, were aghast. I heard from so many people, “Just put him in the crib and let him cry through it.” The one time I agreed to try it, I hated every moment. His sobbing seemed to go on forever and penetrated every corner of our house. Finally, after hours of sadness, I couldn’t stand it any longer and went in to his room to check on him. Like a beaver, he was trying to bite his way through the crib. His mouth was literally filled with wood chips. Never again.

I definitely feel that a childhood filled with warmth, love and snuggles trumps any negative side effects. Like the fact that I now begin my nights reading books with my kids, saying our prayers and falling asleep; however, mid-night, when I cannot roll over and my body is in a cramp, I finally make my way back to my bed where I belong and attempt to fall back asleep. And, I don’t think the hubby appreciates the fact that this has been going on for so many years.

Now that the kids are older, having me (and each other) in one bed falls squarely in the “reactive,” least positive, most stressful category. Son #2 now has a hard time falling asleep alone and oftentimes, if I’m working late or out with friends, attempts to stay up and wait for me. Not healthy for him -- or for our backs as we repeatedly carry a 65 lb. kid up the stairs who has fallen asleep on the family room floor.

The last line of the article sums it up nicely, however, with a quote from the pediatrician of the author’s daughter. “I can tell you with certainty,” he says, “that one day you will wake up, and she won’t be there.”

We're a long way from being empty nesters but I'm glad. For now, I love the tenderness and, until they're ready, I wouldn't have it any other way.