Friday, February 26, 2010

The Clampdown

Melodrama is my middle name.

As I continue to ponder my existence, dread (more and more) the pending work deliverables, feel increasing angst over my so-called career, look forward to becoming a nun in retirement, and pray for immediate salvation in the form of a new career that suits me and my passion (albeit poorly defined) and pays the bills, I found my new friend Thomas Merton via My Life with the Saints.

From a young drinker/partier to hermit/monk. My soul mate.

I also found this prayer from his book Thoughts on Solitude that perfectly sums up my current anguish filled prayers.

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

It's the best years of your life they want to steal
You grow up and you calm down
You're working for the clampdown

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Stop Disencouraging Me

Last year, Son #2's teacher and her third grade class were the nationwide Scholastic Book Grand Prize winners in the non-fiction category for a book they wrote and illustrated, Rejoice! Poetry Celebrating Life in the Amazon Rainforest.

As such, Son #2 is convinced his class will win it again this year.

Son #2: When we win, will you buy the book for me?

Me: Absolutely, but keep in mind, Mrs. Kwit's class won last year. Winning two years in a row may be unheard of.

Son #2: Mama, you're being very disencouraging.

I love it when he coins a new word! More importantly, I love it when he teaches me a lesson. I need to be less disencouraging and possibly more reencouraging.

Always look on the bright side of life.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

In a Nutshell: Simple Book Reviews

It's so difficult to be back behind my desk after such a fabulous week (Thanks Mom!) of 88 degree weather, sunshine, rum punch, swimming, snuggling, ping pong, learning to scuba dive (in a pool!), attempting to play tennis with little kids and stuffing our faces with food. Must go right back.

Can you drive to Barbados?

Instead, I must find peace at home.

At the end of mass last weekend, my mom's priest gave an announcement that they were selling the book My Life with the Saints for $10. Strange, that's exactly the recommended reading from Coffee Toast Milk Jam. My mom bought two! Can't wait to start reading tonight.

In preparation, for whatever reason extremely foreign to my normal behavior, I decided I shouldn't start another book until I had finished the three I was working on. So I did. Following are my two-second book reviews.

Reading Jesus by Mary Gordon: Interesting take on reading the Gospels from a Catholic who had never picked them up before. The author poses a lot of great questions about seemingly contradictory Bible passages; however, a little more probing prior to publishing her book may have answered some of the questions. I ain't no Biblical scholar but some of them seemed fairly easy to comprehend. For example, in thinking about the Prodigal Son's brother who gets screwed out of his possessions (including his fatted calf) when his drinking/whoring brother returns home and their dad throws a big party, she cries "unfair." Exactly. But she doesn't fully explore the greater meaning of a Father celebrating the lost son's return vs. not celebrating (but still loving and honoring with the remaining inheritance) the diligent son who, in turn, has no love in his heart -- even for his brother -- and is performing familial duties perfunctorily (i.e., who embodies legalism vs. passion).

In a nutshell: Short read, interesting observations, but really not worth running out to buy.

Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert: Not even remotely written in the same vein as her hit Eat, Pray, Love but I really enjoyed this book. As someone who a) has pondered the rationale of marriage for more years than I've been married (i.e., I never really understood the need for it prior to getting married) and b) agreed to get married without any real understanding of what being married entailed, I couldn't help wishing that someone had written this book in the early nineties. It is a well researched, well documented treatise on "holy" matrimony including the history of marriage, with some multicultural references and a few "what works/what doesn't" statistics thrown in for good measure. The author's writing style suits me well so, for me, it was a page turner even if the subject matter is a bit dry at times and somewhat irrelevant to many of us.

In a nutshell: Unless you really care about the history of marriage and/or are considering getting married and want to ponder the subject a little more deeply, why bother?

All We Wanted Was Everything by Janelle Brown: A beach read. No more/no less. Given that I don't live in a world of IPOs, wealth, extravagance, country clubs, etc., I didn't relate well to the characters. And although I finished reading it I feel certain that, had I not, I wouldn't have missed a thing.

In a nutshell: Don't believe the hype.



All in all, a bit of a bust. Onward now to My Life with the Saints.

Friday, February 19, 2010

JetBlew: The Screwquel

In addition to issuing this apology, I think the JetBlew CEO, David Neeleman, needs to go on CBS's Undercover Boss preferably as he and his family are traveling to a much-needed vacation. What better way to witness the company's immense inefficiencies firsthand?

In case he's too important to subjugate himself to a horror of that magnitude, here's my account of our trip home for his files:
  • In Barbados, the bag count on the jet differed from the count on the ground. Result: almost a two hour delay while they removed all of the bags, recounted them and placed them back on the aircraft. While I'm grateful that we didn't fly away with a bomb on the aircraft, I think that JetBlew could have taken that same time to order food for its passengers: 150 passengers * $5 sandwich = $750 goodwill. Instead, 150 passengers boarding after lunch + Doritos mix for dinner = hunger at 10:00 p.m.
  • On-board, the flight attendant moved us up to the front of the plane in mid-descent to ensure we could hustle through customs and make our flight which was "delayed until 11:00 p.m." and "being held" for us (i.e., she stated that she called ahead).
  • In JFK, we literally ran through the airport -- from Terminal 4 to Terminal 5 via Air Train -- with our luggage. And by "we," I mean me, my 76 year old mother and two kids ages 8 and 9. At any time of the day, this would be exhausting. At 10:00 p.m., I was worried someone would collapse. 
  • Because we switched terminals, we had to recheck our bags and go through security again. As we entered the security line, the woman glanced at our tickets and said, "Go to the left and run to Gate 23, they're holding the plane for you."
  • No plane at Gate 23. 
  • "There was a gate change. Run to Gate 10; we'll call ahead to let them know you're here."
  • No plane at Gate 10. 
  • "Try Gate 25." 
  • No plane at Gate 25. 
  • Back at Gate 23, we asked for more help and told the lady what happened. 
  • "It left here 15 minutes ago. No one told me to hold it." (Note: it was now 10:50 p.m. which means it wasn't really delayed until 11:00 p.m. or being held for us.)
  • We then told her what we'd been through. Her question: "You dragged your luggage here? Why didn't they recheck your bags in Terminal 4?" How the hell should we know? WTF? (Everyone from our flight was running with their luggage.)
  • This kind lady placed the four of us on the first flight to Rochester the following morning. "Get here by 7:30 a.m. because the lines at that time are really long. You can then relax and have Dunkin' Donuts by the gate." Good to know. 
  • "Would you like a hotel room or would you prefer to sleep in the airport?" Seriously? What family ranging in ages from 8 to 76 would prefer to sleep in the airport? She booked us at the Doubletree. 
  • Arrive at the Doubletree to discover that they have not been notified -- even though their driver came to pick us up. The woman at registration then places a number of calls to different JetBlew teams to determine if we're authorized. Time now: almost midnight. Kids: starving.
  • The next morning, we arrive at JFK to discover that only I'm on the 9:25 a.m. flight and the rest of my family is booked on the 7:30 p.m. flight. Why? No one knows. So much for getting everyone up and to the terminal early. Worse yet, there's a 1:30 p.m. flight with available seats. Idiocy at its finest. Somehow we manage to get two seats on the first flight for my mom and Son #1 to get home (because he has a party to attend) and Son #2 and I spend the day in the airport. Again.
As much as I love, love, loved our vacation in Barbados, I never, ever, ever want to fly again. Ever. Any carrier. Never. Especially JetBlew.

Nothing in the world is perfect
Grin and bear it silently or yell into my ear
Complaints, it's my department

Monday, February 15, 2010

Look Around

Minutes ago, while I was sitting poolside with the kids enjoying the music, sunshine, blue sky, banana daiquiri and sound of crashing waves, I asked them, "Look around, what do you see?"

Son #1: I look around and feel lucky.

Son #2: I look around and see happiness.

Agreed.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Beach Bully

Only four standby seats. First four passengers on standby? US! Monkey and I started crying we were so happy.

This morning, we went to the beach where they were flying yellow "caution" flags. One big wave came and knocked us all down. I landed on Son #2.

"They should have the red flag out. Danger: could be tackled by mama." 

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

JetBlew It

Yeah, I know: snowstorms screw up flights. But I've discovered that the chaos can be severely compounded. Take JetBlew, for example. Just prior to this storm that overtook the East coast, they upgraded their computer system which resulted in a planned outage. Seriously? In this day and age with testing, up/downtime statistics, sandboxes, etc.?

So here's what has happened so far on our "vacation":
  • JetBlew changed our confirmation number due to the system change but never communicated the change. We could not log in to confirm: call #1
  • Even the new JetBlew confirmation number shows an error on the online system (i.e., states that it doesn't match my last name) and my TrueBlew number says that I have no upcoming flights: call #2
  • JetBlew canceled our flight out of the Roch so I scrambled to leave work, took the kids out of school and checked into a hotel in sunny Jamaica, NY: call #3 (due to high call volumes, we cannot handle your call at this time) and call #4 (40 minute wait time)
  • Awoke early to discover that our flight to Barbados this morning was preemptively canceled -- long before the snow even dusted the ground: call #5 during which I was on hold for over an hour as I walked through the hotel, waited for the airport shuttle, took the shuttle and finally hung up as I entered the airport
  • At the airport was told (with a straight face) that tomorrow's flight was fully booked and that the next flight with any availability was the 16th (i.e., the day before we come home). Huh? And there's nothing anyone can do?
  • My new friend Dany must have been thinking "This'll get rid of her" as he told me to call JetBlew after noon to see if they opened new flights for tomorrow. If so, maybe we could get on one. 
  • Called at 1:00 p.m. to see if they opened new flights, held for 40 more minutes and the lady basically laughed at me. She said, "I've never heard that one. Someone told you that?" She then said that my best bet would be to get on the standby list. Where? Oh yeah, gotta go back to the airport for that at least 24 hours before the flight (i.e., exactly when I was at the airport last time) 
  • Back to the airport for me where I stood by the counter for 2 hours and 48 minutes while the entire staff tried to figure out the new computer system. First they could only get me on standby. Then they could get only my mom and kids on standby and I was kicked off. Nothing would work. It took six people almost three hours to figure it out. As far as I know, we're on standby. Standby on a full flight that's likely to be canceled, as well.
  • Wait, six people all helping little ole me? Why yes because there were probably 30 JetBlew staff members standing around doing nothing in an empty terminal while thousands of people were on interminable hold with their call centers. Talk about poor resource allocation. 
  • Interminable hold you say? Why yes and listening to on-hold messages like "Take a Vacation!"
Key lesson learned: JetBlew is a one-trick-pony.

In other words, without partnerships or reciprocal agreements, if your flight is canceled, you're SOL. They don't even suggest placing you with another carrier; they just ruin your vacation.

One guy next to me on line this morning was freaking out because he attempted to fly out last night and they wouldn't put him on the flight. They were asking for $450 because he was confirmed on today's flight. This morning, his flight was canceled and they couldn't rebook him until next Tuesday. I thought he was going to pummel someone.

The JetBlew woman who was handling him was curt and borderline nasty. "There's nothing we can do about the weather." (Aside, other carriers including Delta, American and Japan Air were still flying international. We could hear planes flying overhead throughout the day as we were stranded.)

She's right but a little compassion would go a long way.

I need a hug. And a suntan. Instead, my mom, kids and I are probably heading back to Rochester tomorrow filled with dashed hopes.

United breaks guitars. JetBlew breaks hearts.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Prayers Selfish Prayers

I woke up super early this a.m. and, instead of going to the gym, decided at the very last minute to pack for vacation tomorrow. I felt convicted to go to Bible study tonight and start my vacation off right.

Instead, our flight to NYC was canceled for tomorrow and we're re-booked on a flight this afternoon. Hello urgent rush. Laptop backup. Financial proformas, income statements, balance sheets, graphs, working capital, cash flow analysis on hold  . . . carry laptop? Do in hotel?

So I have two prayers:
1) Thank you God for insisting that I pack this morning!
2) Please, please, please let us get out of JFK safely before the storm arrives

Oh, did I say two? Make that three:
3) Please let us travel safely throughout our adventure and have heaps o' fun!

EBITDA can wait. Pina colada cannot. I know my priorities.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Get Out of Valentine's Day Free

In addition to having the house to himself for a week (i.e., bring on the dancing girls), leaving with the kids for February break also entitles the hubby to this:


Sadly, this isn't the first time a card like this was used (for either of us). And it's likely not to be the last! Romance schmomance. I prefer the little things that the hubby does daily/all year round for me like make my coffee every morning, fill my always-on-E gas tank, check my oil, charge my phone, tape Samantha Bee, etc. I don't need no stinkin' three-pound, heart-shaped box of Russell Stover roman nougats to feel the love.

So there. Happy early Valentine's Day hon.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Redemption is Sweet

When I was in elementary school, a traveling pianist came to play at our school auditorium. I was seated in the front row and, much like Bruce Springsteen pulling Courtney Cox to the stage (or maybe just kinda), he brought me up on stage and kissed me. And not in a good way.

For at least a week, until I felt like he was safely somewhere else, I rode in the back seat of our station wagon lying down so that he couldn't see/find me. I was terrified, ashamed, embarrassed, disgusted (and so on).

Roughly 25 years later, in the late 90s, the hubby and I went to see David "Honeyboy" Edwards -- a blues legend who won a Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award this week. After an amazing show, we went up to shake his hand and he surprisingly kissed me. But, unlike the original vile kiss of my childhood, this was an unexpected, kind gesture from a living legend.

So today I send out a warm, heartfelt congratulations to Honeyboy. I feel honored and privileged to have seen him live and grateful for the redemptive kiss.

Monday, February 1, 2010

The Idiots' Guide to Makee Money

I have a serious question. How do people who post crap in blog comments make money?

Like:
As Xrumer experts, we secure been using [url=http://www.xrumer-seo.com]Xrumer[/url] quest of a large leisure now and know how to harness the titanic power of Xrumer and turn it into a Cash machine.

Followed much later by:
Reminisce over, Transport is Money.
[/b]

TRAVERSE B RECOVER YOUR INFERIOR BURST TODAY:

While I realize that online language translators aren't always optimal, I seriously don't understand how this mess can ever be monetized. What am I missing (aside from an untapped revenue stream)?

Reminisce over and out. Show me the (transport is) money.