Summertime and the livin' is easy

Spent the weekend on the party circuit with the kids.

At my girlfriend’s daughter’s high school graduation/18^th birthday party, I got to spend time with the “kids” I grew up with which is one of the best gifts of living in my hometown again. Sallie’s gorgeous house sits uphill from a big pond that she swims in almost daily but, judging by the size and number of koi visible from just standing on the dock, I would be totally freaked out. Pool or pond? Pond would be good for her; pool for me!

Just beyond her white picket fence, lies a large field in which thousands of fireflies were sparkling that night. It felt like the scene from a Disney film. I only wish that I had brought my camera. Can you capture that kind of magic on film?

The following night, we went to the first birthday party for the little girl next door. The fete, which was more elaborate than many wedding receptions, was held at her grandparents’ house. Their back yard was larger than my entire neighborhood and was so park-like that it could have been designed by Fredrick Law Olmstead and I wouldn’t have been surprised. The meal was fully catered and the tent decorated throughout with balloons and giant lollipops covered in multi-colored cellophane wrappers. There were tables literally overflowing with candy (e.g., Pixie Stix, Tootsie Rolls, Smarties) and toys (e.g., snakes, beach balls, tattoos) for the kids to fill their monogrammed take-home bags.

The boys had a blast swimming with the other children while the neighborhood parents and I sat poolside sipping margaritas. It was the perfect night.

After Cold Stone Creamery came with their marble slabs and dished out ice cream for everyone, the proud mom cut the wedding, I mean birthday, cake. It was a three-tiered confection with pink, purple and white marzipan stripes and dots. The entire top layer was then given to the birthday girl for her to stick her fingers in and devour.

My only gripe: where were the pony rides? Cutting corners?!

Just kidding, of course. They're probably next year.

Mrs. Clooney

OMG!

• You will marry George Clooney.

• After a wild honeymoon, you will settle down in Cape Hatteras in your fabulous Apartment.

• You will have 7 kid(s) together.

• The family will zoom around in a Red Jeep Liberty.

• You will spend your days as a Writer, and live happily ever after.
  

As much as this sounds awesome (!), who has an apartment in Cape Hatteras? Shouldn't it be a beach house on stilts?

Alas, Paul Rudd, John Cusack and Jon Stewart all opted out of my future but I'm still worried, even thought it says that we will "live happily ever after," that George won't be content. The MASH game can't be wrong, can it?

Speaking of which, seven kids at my age? Does George already have five kids that I don't know about? Will they all fit in that little car? Or the apartment for that matter?

Come to think of it, amazing beach views and George Clooney aside, I'm not even sure I'll be happy! I hope Georgie springs for a nanny.

Positive Feedback

While researching the topic of feedback for a leadership seminar I was developing a couple of years ago, I came upon the following study.

Dr. Daniel Kirschenbaum, a sports psychologist at the University of Wisconsin, videotaped groups of bowlers. He then edited the tapes, creating two different versions. In one version, he deleted any examples of poor bowling performance, leaving only images of proper bowling techniques. In the second version of the tape, he deleted any examples of good performance, leaving only images of poor bowling style.

He then used the tapes to give lessons to the same groups of bowlers.

Some groups viewed the edited tape showing only examples of proper bowling techniques. The lessons emphasized repeating what had worked for them. Other groups viewed an edited tape, seeing only examples of poor bowling. Their lessons focused on not repeating prior mistakes.

Those bowlers who viewed examples of proper bowling techniques showed as much as 100% improvement in bowling scores, far more than the other group.

Key learning: We learn better, and are able to improve task performance, when we focus on our successes rather than our mistakes -- which oftentimes can be seen as “at odds” with traditional management techniques found in corporate America where managers see themselves as problem-solvers whose job is to fix what's broken.

This has never been so apparent to me as it has been over the past few weeks as I watched both sons playing Little League. At an age where most kids are just attempting the sport for the first time, it was shocking at times to hear the coaches (thankfully from the opposing teams) yelling at and berating the kids.

Son #1's coach was, in direct contrast, a saint. He made the game so much fun for all of his players and complimented them continually -- even after failed plays. "Nice try." "Great throw; next time aim just a little higher!"

As a result, this group of first and second graders was literally on fire toward the end of the season making double and triple plays and slamming balls to the outfield. Many of the rival teams could barely compete at that level.

Last night, after the last game of the season, the coach bought ice cream for all of the players. And instead of simply handing out their trophies, he made a point of recapping the best plays of the season for each. Their faces were beaming. I was impressed and felt blessed that my son was a part of his team.

(Source: Jay R. Tombaugh, “Positive leadership yields performance and profitability,” Development and Learning in Organizations: Volume 19 Number 3 2005, pp. 15-17)

Nothing Seems Right in Cars

Here's hoping that today fares a bit better than yesterday . . .



There's nothing more thrilling than your coolant light flashing and smoke coming from your hood when you're driving home from Buffalo on the NYS Thruway.

Towing Jetta to dealership: $160
Repairing car: I shudder to think
Missing kids' last day of school: priceless

There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard.

You Spin Me Right Round Baby

This video from LiveLeak came with a note from the hubby, "This looks like something that you would do."

Blasphemous Rumours

I spent Friday night and Saturday at a church-sponsored prayer retreat on Canandaigua Lake. And it was fun. FUN. Yes, you read that right. Who knew? As Depeche Mode contends, does God have a sick sense of humor?

There were times when I was laughing so hard, with people I had only met that day, that the tears were rolling down my face. There were other moments spent in candlelit, guided meditation when God was so close that I felt he was hugging me.

And there was time spent in the sunshine just sitting on the dock with a close friend.

We had a bonfire on Friday night and watched the lightening light up the sky. (A Friday night without wine I may add!) And first thing on Saturday morning, after a walk along the road admiring all of the beautiful lake-front cottages, I forced myself into the water. It was ice cold and took my breath away. But I stayed in and swam for a while simply because I could. And I floated for minutes afterward letting the water support me.

Later that morning, in a "how befitting" fashion, our group meditation was on how Peter walked on water toward Jesus and then, when he turned his attention instead toward the wind and the waves and became fearful, he began to sink. Jesus held him until they reached the boat and said, "O ye of little faith." Until then, I had always thought that phrase was condemning. I now see how it was said in love and tenderness. Jesus didn't calm the storm; he just fully supported him in his walk. It was up to Peter to take the chance and step out -- something many of us aren't willing to do. Sure, he couldn't sustain his faith 100% of the time but he still knew who to call out to when he was failing.

We're a Happy Family

I just received a tongue-in-cheek email from my sis that had "out of office" replies such as "I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position" and "I have run away to join a different circus."

It reminded me of a little gem that was actually distributed at my old company and was entitled, "99 Things to Say to Create a Happy Department." The quotes are so motivating that I thought I would share some of them in order to help those of you who may be facing employee morale issues of your own. Some golden nuggets that you might want to try on for size include:

• That's not half bad!
  
• You've got your brain in gear today
• Well look at you go
• That kind of work makes me happy
• You must have been practicing
  
• I knew you could do it
• You're really going to town
• You're moving at Internet speed
• You're doing that much better today
• You did it that time!
• You did a lot of work today
• Congratulations! You got it right!
  

And my favorite: "That's a good (boy/girl)" -- which, I think, should be immediately followed by "rollover," "who wants a biscuit?" or "wanna go walkies?"

Too farcical to be true? I wish. However, I just Googled the author, Arzella Dirksen, and found a copy online (sans comic illustrations of smiling people in business suits). Maybe I'll send Arzella my resume. I need some one to remind me of how super I am.

Life is Good

Three visits from the Tooth Fairy in one week for Son #2. (So darned cute right now until those big honkers start growing in and he no longer looks like a sweet, little kid.)

Son #1 earned a yellow belt in karate last night. Yeah!

I had an Abbott's chocolate custard turtle for lunch while stopping, briefly, to enjoy the sunshine at the beach in Durand Eastman Park.

Hubby planted little flowers in our front "garden" yesterday.

All is well.

Vera Vogue on Parade

On Sunday, the New York Times ran a story in the Style section about Melissa C. Morris, a young Manhattan socialite who writes a thriving blog about life with her husband Chappy (who, by the by, is 30 years her senior and reportedly one of the nicest guys on earth) and their dog Monty. I'm guessing the blog is considered interesting because it gives us members of the hoi polloi an inside view of another world. Or maybe because the blog is so sweet and innocent compared with our expectations or perceptions of the dog-eat-dog world of high society. (Yes, she seems to be nice!)

But honestly, is it interesting to read about which dishwasher stacks your silverware most efficiently? Really?



I, for one, know that if I stepped out of obscurity into elitism, I would be charting all of my FUN (read: really expensive) exploits. Dishwasher? I don't even use that now! Nope. I would post smarmy "look at this amazing dress I wore to the latest gala" blogs (i.e., eat your heart out commoners). Am I not simply gorgeous?



I guess that's why she is where she is and I'm . . . wearing an old peasant skirt from fashionista-free Marshall's circa 2006.

Festivate & Rejoicify

A client/girlfriend took me to see Wicked last night. Given that I usually loathe musicals, I had zero desire to go but we ended up having such a great time!

Not only does it make the back story to the Wizard of Oz somehow interesting and compelling (how the witches became friends in school, how the Wicked Witch of the West became "bad," etc.) it's done in an eccentric and, at times, fairly hilarious fashion. Glinda, the good witch, really embodies the vacuous, over-the-top blond popular girl (a la Alicia Silverstone in Clueless) trying to make over her green friend who is, in actuality, very sweet.

The most amazing part for me, however, was the crowd's reaction. I felt like I was at a Beatles concert. I have never heard so many people go wild -- especially during a musical. What the . . . ?

The only things that would get me to go absolutely bananas like that might be winning the lottery or perhaps running into Wham! after a long day of drinking margaritas with my girlfriends.

Numskull

I read on A Cup of Joe last week that antlers were so 2004 and "officially over" (really?) which may explain why I found this cow skull at a garage sale last weekend. Good thing I'm no longer living in Manhattan; I'm now at the tail end of a dying trend even in a non-trendy town. Yikes!



Yeah, it's a little too Georgia O'Keefe super-size-me but whatever. One man's trash is another man's treasure?

Which brings me to a somewhat unrelated topic: I am so blinkin' sick of that depressing red color on my living room walls. I was thinking of going neutral (white or a light coffee) but then saw a vibrant, bright green color saturating the walls of Scout & Molly's, a sweet little shop in Greensboro, and I've been thinking about it ever since. Unfortunately, their website doesn't do it justice.

This color in this chair from Le Tramac (found on the gorgeous site All Things Bright and Beautiful) is more like it. I'm looking for sunny and fresh not pea-colored. Perhaps a bit preppy -- hearkening back to my childhood of pink/green monogrammed sweaters and whale belts.



Love it!

Concentrate

This would be so great framed and hanging on my office wall!

The site Right Brain Terrain has a number of beautiful motivational posters that lack the insipid sayings of traditional posters or the biting sarcasm of their kissing cousins over at Despair where, by the by, I found this t-shirt!




How appropriate.

The School Bully

Over the weekend, the little girl across the street was talking with my boys (post water gun war) while I sat on the front steps pretending to read.

Neighbor: You know that kid on the bus who is so mean to everyone?

Son #1: Yeah, Derek Frank? (Name changed to protect the innocent.)

Neighbor: He came to class on Friday with a book that he made called, "Derek Frank for Governor."

She continued: It had all of these pictures of him in it -- like one where he's smiling and doing the thumbs-up thing. And another with his pinkie pointed to his mouth and thumb to his ear that said, "call me." He even had one with his hands pointing out like guns next to his face that said, "I will outlaw all guns except for those people who are protecting me and my family."

Son #2: He's not scary; he just talks a lot.

Neighbor: Yeah, he said that if he's Governor he's not planning to do any work. He'll get others to do it for him.

Wow. Not the best platform in general but pretty darned insightful for a second grader, no? And the honesty is refreshing. I think he's onto something.

Pursuit of Happiness

Over the past year, I have been on an ongoing Positive Psychology kick reading books like Learned Optimism (by University of Pennsylvania's Martin Seligman), Happier (by Harvard professor Tal Ben-Shahar) and, most recently, The Geography of Bliss: One Grump's Search for the Happiest Places in the World (the funniest of the three by NPR foreign correspondent Eric Weiner).

Many of the elements across all three books are consistent (although the approach varies widely); yet, the grump's guide concludes that relationships are one of the greatest contributors to happiness. In other words, the more money you accrue enables you to move to your McMansion with a larger yard in a gated community which, in turn, diminishes the time spent in community with -- and helping -- others. In so doing, contrary to popular opinion, your happiness actually decreases.

As always, I continue to ponder how to make Rochester one of the happiest places on earth mainly because, as I've stated before, I honestly believe we have all of the raw materials (e.g., natural beauty, a talented workforce, strong educational system). Then, while reading this book I realized: wouldn't it be interesting to apply the "adopt a highway" program to our inner city?

Interested residents of each of the suburbs (Pittsford, Fairport, Gates-Chili, West Irondequoit, Brockport, etc.) could "adopt" a section of the city that may be struggling (e.g., 19th Ward, Jay Street, Avenue D) and work hand-in-hand with residents, as well as the city government, to envision AND enable a better future on a neighborhood-by-neighborhood or block-by-block basis (as each presumably has a unique culture and differing needs).

Not only might fostering these personal relationships create a real bridge between the residents of the city and the suburbs but, by reaching out and serving others to build a better community, the individual participants should essentially raise their levels of happiness. It's a win: win situation, no?

It's a personal form of "share the wealth" with wide-ranging benefits for the entire population. It's Rochester's successful ARTWalk program on steroids and with broad-based participation.

Might anyone else be interested in this?

Legal Tender

We’re in the basement, learning to print
All of it’s hot
$10–20–30 million, ready to be spent
We’re stackin’ them against the wall those gangster presidents
------------------------------

I posed a scenario, similar to the following, to my economist brother last fall.

What if, instead of spending millions of dollars on an ill-fated fast ferry to Toronto, Rochester did the following?

Hire 50 sharp, young thought-leaders/entrepreneurs and guarantee them a $90K annual salary for two years to move to Rochester. To gain entre to our glorious city, each is required to write a compelling business plan. For the next two years, each individual is given the resources to execute the idea including a $100K additional investment annually to start their business (i.e., while fully employed).

There would be say $500K in annual operating funds set aside for the building lease, maintenance, overhead, equipment, etc. And shared resources will be allocated (copiers, entrepreneur in residence).

Successful plans may be eligible for incremental investment (e.g., on average, an additional $2M in funding for the top 10% of the plans assuming they met pre-established metrics); others can attempt to limp along on their own, if they so desire, or pack it in (their choice).

Overall, $30M would be spent over two-plus years to gain what, if anything, in return? I wonder how many long-term successful businesses would be started.

My brother’s response: bad investment. In short (whereas his answer was actually long, detailed and well articulated), free markets (e.g., venture capitalists) tend to make much better decisions from determining what to fund to overall fiscal management and cutting funds as soon as necessary on under-performing ventures.

And now, hot off the presses, is a May 2008 working paper from the National Bureau of Economic Research that backs up his claim: “The results indicate that enterprises financed by government-sponsored venture capitalists under-perform on a variety of criteria, including value-creation, as measured by the likelihood and size of IPOs and M&As, and innovation, as measured by patents.”

So where is the long-term hope for our fair city when our young talent is reportedly fleeing the area? Does it lie in what I term the “giant magnet effect” (i.e., where a great number of us, for whatever reason, come back years later)?

The problem as I see it with the magnet model is that, upon return, many of us are labeled “overqualified” and we trade in a high salary for a presumably better way of life or we leave again. For a city that boasts a talented workforce yet simultaneously decries the loss of talent, it’s a catch-22. Do you want the talent to stay in the area or don’t you?

For my uber-talented designer friend Todd who came back to Rochester after 25+ years in NYC and subsequently had to move to Dodge (seriously!) for a great job at Land’s End because he was “too talented for Rochester,” my sincere apologies on behalf of our entire city.

I don’t ever want to hear that phrase again. I would rather do everything in my power possible to change that commonly uttered phrase to “not talented enough for Rochester.”

But how?

Ranger Rick I'm Not

Yesterday afternoon I was momentarily alarmed as I looked out my window at work and thought there was a bird picking on another bird.

Turns out that the "aggressor" was merely following this little bird around while the little bird tipped its beak into the lawn, pulled out bugs and fed them to him. This bird benevolence continued for quite a while -- and then another bird came along and the little bird fed it every once in a while, too.

I didn't know that birds took care of each other like this. Is this uncommon? Was one bird old and needed tending to? He seemed well enough to me. Is there a rare form of bird indentured servitude that I witnessed? Won't the little bird go hungry if it's so busy taking care of the others?

Where is Darwin when you need him?

Bullsh*t Generator

A couple of years ago, at the request of a friend, I met a U of R MBA student at a local coffee shop who was looking for a job. When I asked her what she wanted to do, she kept telling me that she wanted to “mitigate risk.” If I attempted to discern how she was planning to do this (e.g., more vibrant “piso mojado” signs, cars that won’t start depending on the blood alcohol level of the driver, fat-free Cheetos, fashion-forward arm bands that prevent electrostatic discharge on the production line), she looked at me as if I were the biggest dolt on the planet and carefully repeated the phrase (albeit differently). “If there is inherent risk in an organization, I seek to minimize it.” Yeah, okay. Your textbooks are really paying off. Well, good luck with that!

A few weeks ago, I received an email from another student whom I know not asking if we could get together so she could find out more about consulting. “Sure!” was my response -- never to be heard from again. Was it the welcoming tone of my reply that was so off-putting?

Today I received a solicitation from said grad school asking me if I would kindly “make a positive impact on the life of a Simon student” by reviewing the career objectives and resumes of a student or two. Why not? Our clients are always hiring and oftentimes cannot find the right candidate.

I clicked over to the school’s web site for job-seeking students and lo and behold: I’ve never seen so many internally focused claims (I am, I have, I learned, I generated profit). Yes, I get it. It’s a resume and they need to tout themselves; however, don’t they realize they also need to apply Marketing 101 to their job search? I don’t really care what you do; I care about what you’re going to do for me.

“I’m simply looking for a position which will continuously make me learn and apply myself, while adding value through solution-based initiatives.”

Seriously? Awesome. Can you also utilize bleeding-edge paradigms?

Please add some value through solution-based initiatives for me. Solve this: I’m all out of coffee (or would that be patience?). What on earth shall I do?

Bait and Switch Hitting

Before we got married, my husband assured me that he wasn't the type of guy who sat in front of the TV watching football. Oh, thank God!

What he neglected to mention is that he's an avid baseball (Mets) and hockey (Rangers) fan. Two sports that have nightly games and overlapping seasons (i.e., no respite, never, ever). And it doesn't matter if his favorite team is not playing; he'll watch any game.

I don't really mind given that a) I'm much more of a reader and b) he records shows for me. But here's the kicker: The kids have already learned that the remote and the TV are properties of the men in our house. Case in point? They will actually walk into the room where I may be watching TV, pick up the remote and change the channel without thinking twice.

"Dude, did you not notice that I'm watching something?"

"Oh, right, sorry mama. Uh, can I watch baseball?"

The fun part is that they're both totally into Little League this year. And the hubby gave to me a new black leather mitt of my own complete with a pink strip around the wrist. So we spent Sunday afternoon playing baseball on the diamond at school and later in the backyard with our new, rubber bases.

I wonder what the yard is going to look like this summer.

Oh wait, I got my answer!

We All-a-Screama for Ice-a-creama

Son #2 elaborated more on his college plans over the weekend.

Son #2: "Can I study anything I want?"

Me: "Sure. What are you thinking of studying?"

Son #2: "I want to learn how to make ice cream."

Me: "Oh, that sounds great. I think it's called 'food chemistry' or something like that."

Son #2: "I want to make stinkbug flavored ice cream and hide a dead rattlesnake inside."

Me: "Hmm. I really don't think that's going to fly off the shelves at Wegman's."

Son #2: "Yeah it will. I'm going to label it 'grape'."

What a pleasant surprise.