Thursday, June 19, 2008

We're a Happy Family

I just received a tongue-in-cheek email from my sis that had "out of office" replies such as "I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position" and "I have run away to join a different circus."

It reminded me of a little gem that was actually distributed at my old company and was entitled, "99 Things to Say to Create a Happy Department." The quotes are so motivating that I thought I would share some of them in order to help those of you who may be facing employee morale issues of your own. Some golden nuggets that you might want to try on for size include:
  • That's not half bad!
  • You've got your brain in gear today
  • Well look at you go
  • That kind of work makes me happy
  • You must have been practicing
  • I knew you could do it
  • You're really going to town
  • You're moving at Internet speed
  • You're doing that much better today
  • You did it that time!
  • You did a lot of work today
  • Congratulations! You got it right!
And my favorite: "That's a good (boy/girl)" -- which, I think, should be immediately followed by "rollover," "who wants a biscuit?" or "wanna go walkies?"

Too farcical to be true? I wish. However, I just Googled the author, Arzella Dirksen, and found a copy online (sans comic illustrations of smiling people in business suits). Maybe I'll send Arzella my resume. I need some one to remind me of how super I am.

7 comments:

KevinOn7 said...

Great stuff. Most of these phrases could, depending on which word is emphasized, be construed as back-handed compliments (at best) or even harsh criticism (at worst). "That's not HALF bad." It's all bad. "You remembered!" I guess that miracles do occasionally happen. "Aren't you proud of yourself?" 'Cause no one else is... "Keep on trying." Maybe you'll get it right by next year's performance review, you dimwit.

Reminds me of the old Monty Python skit in which the director is trying to get an "actress" to properly deliver a line from Shakespeare: "What is this thing called love?"

uncle wally said...

reminds me of one of the managers at the ad firm in NYC. I went to fix her computer, and on the desk drawer down by her left knee she had all these magnets with similar sayings on them. Stuff to encourage employees and all. of course, if any employee ever came to her side of the desk, her cover would have been blown, but hey, I just fixed the computers.

Pranayama mama said...

Right on! Good job, (person's name). Er, I mean (kevinon7).

And did she thank you profusely for fixing her computer Wally?

uncle wally said...

i doubt it. I think she left the room while I was working on it.

P Domino D said...

although these are trite comments, i can't remember anyone ever saying any of them to me. what does that mean? am i not doing a good job?

Pranayama mama said...

no petey! you are learning fast! you've earned your pay today and then some. (alas, one that i forgot to include.)

kim weeks said...

other than "that's a good boy/girl," (which i enjoy saying in total, "that's a good boy slash girl!"), a favorite of mine was: "you're moving at Internet speed!"

does that mean i get to join the cast of star trek?

can you believe this person probably got paid more than you and i combined to write that piece of utter nonsense?