Sorry Honey, You Can't Get Rid of Me That Easily!

Last Sunday, when I arrived home from church, my good friend and neighbor across the street asked if she could have a few words with me in private. There was something happening in the neighborhood that she thought I should be aware of.

Specifically: Our newest neighbor told his wife that I had left my husband for a man with whom I am having a long-term affair. Whoa! His wife then told their next door neighbor who called her friend across the street (at her beach house in NJ) who sent an email to my next door neighbor who forwarded it to my friend across the street who then asked her next door neighbor . . .

And so on. And so on.

At first, I had an immediate flash of anger. And then, about a minute later, I started to laugh. This man and his wife just moved here and I don’t think they’re out to get me. Obviously they have me confused with someone else. So I told my girlfriend to find out if the lucky guy is a) rich and b) handsome. If so, keep the rumor going!

This whole episode made me ponder how to create an effective rumor that will defame someone forever. I decided it was best to make something up that is bizarre enough that people will talk about it yet embarrassing enough that no one will actually feel comfortable sharing it with the actual “defendant” so to speak. In other words, it can’t be so over-the-top that people will be willing and able to verify it.

For example, one of the aforementioned neighbors also told the entire neighborhood about the woman on the corner of our street (and one of her best friends oddly enough) who takes pride in shoplifting from Home Depot. (Given my loathing of that retail chain, I’m less appalled than I would be otherwise.) Now that’s an effective rumor! You can’t really say anything to the woman like "Hey, I heard you're a clepto" but her “five finger discount” imagery sticks in everyone’s minds.

To make matters worse, apparently the new neighbors gave this same woman the key to their house and, upon leaving for vacation, she allegedly called her so-called friend and asked, “Want to go check out their house?” Once again, the friend shared with people what may not even be true -- but it's definitely a highly effective way of continuing to perpetuate that poor woman's image! (With friends like that . . .)

In any event, I’m just glad that I’m now known for my “Scandelicious” exploits and not for my growing collection of power tools.