Multi-tasking at its Finest

Son #1 picked up the phone a minute ago.

Son #1: "Oh hi Mama. We're just watching Phineas and Ferb."

Me: "Cool. What's daddy doing?"

Son #1: "He's watching it with us. But now he's pretending to snore so he doesn't have to talk to you."

It's Holiday Time Again!

I sat with a client briefly yesterday to discuss the details of their holiday party: decorating the atrium and tree, food, wine, invitations, etc.

In the course of planning, I was reminded of a joke my grandfather used to tell where two friends run into each other on the street. One says to the other, "Did you hear that Myrna's having an affair?" and the other responds, "Oh? Who's the caterer?"

Padum pum.

Our Bon Vivant

Son #2 has been wearing his new robe from Target so much that we've begun calling him "Hef."


In return, in his typical style, he's been unexpectedly peppering us with unique colloquialisms as only a seven year old can deliver. "What the hef are you doing?" or "Hey, what the hef is going on around here?"

William Safire would be proud. As would Hef methinks.

You're in the Right Neighborhood When . . .

Your girlfriend next door welcomes you home on a Friday evening with a personalized chalk illustration on your front doorstep!

And They'll Know We Are Christians by Our Love

As a result of this election, I'm being inundated with heaps of upsetting messages from my Christian friends including:

• Emails regarding Obama's potential choice of "fanatically pro-abortion" Kathleen Sebelius for a cabinet position. Yet, according to an April 2008 press release from her office as governor of Kansas, "Over the last several years, we have worked on lowering abortion rates in Kansas by focusing on adoption incentives, extended health services for pregnant women, providing sex education and offering a variety of support services for families. Those efforts are having a positive impact; recently we learned that the abortion rate in Kansas continues to go down." In addition, according to the Kansas Department of Health and Environment, abortions have declined 9% since she took office in 2002. What gives?
  
• A celebratory email regarding California's Prop 8 decision which my girlfriend Melanie at Left Coast Mom thankfully covered exceptionally well regarding the embedded hypocrisy. So if my hubby dies, I cannot remarry as a Christian because I have no intention of procreating? Yeah, okay.
  
• Prayers regarding if the enemy is behind Obama's victory. Meanwhile, we're in two wars and the economy is tanking. Are those crises Obama's fault? No. So why is the current regime somehow more acceptable and more Christ-like? I sincerely do not get it.
  

When did being a Democrat become synonymous with being anti-Christian? When did it become acceptable for Republicans to become "one issue" (i.e., morality-based) voters? At what point is it okay to restrict people's civil rights and liberties based on the moral majority? Shouldn't living by Christian tenets be each individual's choice vs. a government mandate? Is the U.S. becoming Iraq's radical Christian doppleganger?

Most importantly, I firmly understand why people don't want to be associated with my belief system. My walk with Christ is just that: my walk. Not yours. Not anyone else's. But if we continue to be unloving toward those who are not on the same path, then I can guarantee that I'll be walking alone. Who on earth would want to join me?

Farm Fetid Kitchen

Son #2 wanted Thanksgiving dinner for his birthday and the hubby obliged with a fabulous turkey, homemade stuffing and the most delicious, creamy, summer squash soup ever known to mankind. With meals like that at home, why venture out?

To have fun with your girlfriends, that's why! To celebrate birthdays. To de-stress. To catch up. To try new restaurants. To drink martinis. And to write blog postings . . .

Step aside vomit-inducing meal across the street, welcome Farm Fresh Kitchen! As stated on their website, "We believe meals can taste divine and still be good for you too. Really -- it can be done." Just not at their restaurant -- something they failed to mention.

Oh, where to begin? Maybe a laundry list will suffice: the rolls were stale, the pumpkin martini didn't taste like pumpkin, my quarter-sized tuna credo tasted like it spent the better part of a day rotting on the pier, someone dumped a liter of salt in the couscous, and the gnocchi was pure mush. On a minor note, we got a different bottle of wine than ordered; however, it was fine. Thankfully our waitress took the tuna off the bill and gave us a free dessert (for the birthday girl at the table).

But at $48 per person, not remotely worth the investment.

Oddly enough, the place was empty. I wonder why.

Monkey Turns Seven

Happy birthday Monks!

Son #2 is on the couch wearing a blue robe (that's covered in basketballs, footballs and soccer balls). He's wearing a Clone Trooper face mask, holding his drum sticks, and singing the Ramones, "shoot 'em in the back now."

It doesn't get much better than this. You just never know what to expect with kids.

Speaking of which, while trick-or-treating the other night, I warned the kids, "Do NOT say anything bad about the candy anyone gives you." Why? Because last year an old man was handing out Necco wafers and all the kids were saying, "Ew." To his face.

This year all went well until we got to one house where Son #1 didn't say "Thank you." I asked, "Dude, did you even say thanks?"

"No, she smelled like Subway."

Subway. Eat Fresh. And stink up the house, apparently.