Punch Drunk

When I was in grad school, a little shop on Schoen Place become available for rent. I called the landlord and asked about the price per square foot. "What do you have in mind for the space?" he asked. I told him I was thinking of a Wine Bar.

"A wine bar? What the hell is that?"

When I told him, I swear to God, he barked that there was no such thing and hung up on me. I was fit to be tied.

Anyhoo, yesterday, my girlfriend Ellen and Dan, her boyfriend, were chatting with me about what the next foodie craze may be. Last night, as we were watching the Food Channel (or some derivative), it occurred to me that the time is ripe for a Punch Bar.

I would need a highly trained mixologist and a constantly changing menu of delicious, punch-bowl recipes made with ingredients like absinthe, exotic herbs/spices sourced daily from my organic greenhouse, high-end/scarcely known liquors made by elves, bizarre fruit juices from other planets, flaming concoctions, etc. Like the mai tai gone wild and refashioned for the new millennium.

Fun, right?

Fauxbriety

On behalf of a girlfriend who I love and who will remain nameless, I just coined a new word: fauxbriety.

Definition: "Even though I'm swerving all over the road and catapulting my car over snowbanks, I swear I haven't had a drink in weeks."

She claims it was a combination of cold medicine and queasiness so, unless it happens again, I'll have to take her word for it. To the best of my knowledge, it's never happened before so the benefit of the doubt seems to be in order here. In the meantime, I simply plan to stay clear of her car.

Taxi!

Update: So much for being proud of myself. I just Googled my new word and it's been on Urban Dictionary since 2008. Darn it all. 

Photo Per Day #26: The Pub

Went out to meet my niece, in town from DC, for a drink tonight at the pub. Thankfully my girlfriend came with me because my niece didn't show for another 1.5 hours. So we went home. Beforehand, we had these.

Pole Dancing

A few years ago, we went to Parents' Night at our kids' preschool. On the wall were pictures that our kids drew of us along with descriptions that they dictated and the teachers typed. Son #2's said, "My mama works in a church." My neighbors thought that was pretty darned funny.

My girlfriend Mary's said, "My mom has hairy legs." Classic. And even funnier. (She was absolutely mortified.)

Jennifer, my coworker, just told me that she had too many vodka and cranberries on a trip to Lake George years ago and ended up puking on the side of the road as her husband drove the family home from dinner. When they went to the second grade open house, her daughter had drawn the requisite "What I did over summer vacation" picture and wrote, "I painted the town red with my mommy." Yep, a fully illustrated reminder complete with a red line down the road.

You gotta love kids.

My friend Petey sent me a link to this story this morning. Oddly enough, I think this lady has all of us beat!

Things That Make Me Happy

1. A CD player in my car!
2. Facilitating a meeting in my client's conference room while F-16s tear up the sky right outside our windows in preparation for an airshow at the Rocky Mountain Metropolitan Airport. Intense. And, um, really hard to hear.
3. Spending a sunny afternoon walking around Boulder, having Chai tea at the Boulder Tea House, dipping my toes in the Boulder River and having dinner with my beautiful girlfriend Patricia and her husband Bruce: two of the nicest people on earth.
4. Enjoying a relaxing, sunshine-filled weekend in Westhampton Beach with my girlfriend Laura and her mom. Mai tais and lobster rolls by the beach. Margaritas overlooking the salt marsh, swan and setting sun. A cucumber gimlet at dinner. Swimming in the pool. Hanging at the beach. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. 
5. Running into a very pregnant Deirdre at the bakery early on Friday morning and spending the day with her, her husband, nanny and baby Fraser at the beach and pool. Great to catch up after a random, serendipitous sighting. 
6. Hustling into the city on Saturday night for a fabulous meal at Twisted Vine with my girlfriend Kim from DC. Prosecco. Wine. Oysters. Olives. Octopus. Delicious.
7. Spending a leisurely Sunday morning shoe shopping and trying on hats at the 77th street flea market before getting stuck on the LIE and almost missing my flight.  
8. Eight. Eight. I forget what eight is for. 
9. Meeting my ex-coworkers for rumritas on the beach at Marge's Lakeside Inn after work on Tuesday. 90 degrees at 6:00 p.m. Holy moly batman, we're not in the Hamptons anymore! Tons of bikini clad yahoos in cigarette boats anchored offshore -- partying. As dusk approached, they all motored away and the beach got quieter. A large, red harvest moon set over the lake. I got a drink in my hand, I got my toes in the sand . . . 
10. Going to the playground last night with my kids who are getting too old for playgrounds. Climbing the rock wall. Swinging on the swing set. And rolling down the hill in a race against Son #2. I didn't quite remember how dizzy that can make you. I could barely walk straight when we reached the basketball courts. 

On top of the world. I don't want summer to end!

The Donald

Some people age gracefully, their taste becoming more refined over time. Perhaps, not me? 

I ordered this print last night from an awesome little shop on Etsy. Seriously, isn't it the cutest thing ever? I would really prefer the original painting but my budget begs to differ.

Oh, how I wish I could paint.

Ageless Beauty

According to a recently published study revealing the secrets* to looking younger, I'm hosed.

Bad news: Sun, smoking, alcohol and stress can add years to your face

Good news: Additional weight fills in and softens wrinkles

As a stressed out, cocktail imbibing, ex-smoker with a strong proclivity toward sunny beaches and/or hammocks, I'm not poised well. Once again, there goes my modeling career. However, as luck would have it, I can somewhat offset the effects of aging simply by continuing to overeat. Yay!

Bring on the cupcakes!

*Are any of these illuminating research findings really a surprise?

You're in the Right Neighborhood When . . .

Your girlfriend next door welcomes you home on a Friday evening with a personalized chalk illustration on your front doorstep!