I ran across this simple quote from Annie Dillard and it made me gasp:
How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.
Is this really how I want to spend my life?
I was speaking with a potential client last week and, at the end of our professional conversation which went extremely well, I shared a silly story with him. He politely stood up to leave and I was immediately stricken with self-doubt and loathing. I was asking myself on the drive home and well into the night, "Why did you have to add that last part?" or "Why can't you learn to keep your mouth shut?" WWSD? (Insert boss' name instead of Jesus.)
My boss and I talked about this scenario on our way home from another client in the Adirondacks late last night. She had a similar experience with him and felt much the same as I. A little comforting but it still begs the question: Am I living my life with integrity?
Am I being myself? Can I find a so-called career that better suits me? While I'm increasingly more comfortable in a stifling professional environment, I want more. Half the time, I feel like I'm pretending to be someone else.
I really do love my clients. I want them to succeed. I enjoy helping them.
But can't I do it with a hint of personality, too? Or is that unacceptable?
I just want to dance.
2 comments:
...for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
when i feel like that, which is always, i fondly remember a line from Risky Business:
"Sometimes you just gotta say, fuck it!"
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