As Facebook Turns

A couple of my neighbors are certifiably crazy and it's getting out of control.

Until recently, the young couple who live in the cape on the corner were the poster children for minor oddities. When they first moved in, we had a few families from the hood over for dinner. With the guys in the other room, the wife let all of the women know that she married beneath her. She barely knew us but needed to share how a) wealthy her parents are, b) she was on the beauty pageant circuit as a child (this by way of explanation re: her current weight issues -- making up for her lost childhood), and c) awesome her husband is in bed (which is why she married him -- she claims he's not very bright). Not really what we need to know about her beau hunk of a man. Especially a year later when she was bragging about how they broke their headboard.

Over the past couple of years, she has informed us that they were moving to another house in town, to Long Island, to Pennsylvania, to Ohio, to Florida, etc. Our next door neighbor, Peter, does a fabulous impression of her mind-changing tactics by mimicking the train board updates at Penn Station.

This same woman got liposuction and a boob job while undertaking fertility treatments. Just when she had the fat sucked out of her, she became pregnant. Nice investment.

Most recently, she spent days with an architect redesigning their home and then immediately put an offer on another home one street over. In the course of a few short weeks, after selling their home and renovating their new home, she has been posting pictures of her new home and updated kitchen on Facebook.

In response, two other women on my street have been publicly deriding her by posting nasty comments and obnoxious status updates. What makes grown women -- one in her early 30s and the other in her mid-40s -- think it's okay to bully someone? Can they possibly feel good about themselves after doing so? It's heartwrenching to watch; no one deserves to be treated so poorly especially by "friends."

I don't know the back story on why their friendship ended. Nor do I care. I only know that after she finally de-friended them on Facebook, one allegedly sent her a threatening email. This couple then called the cops from their beach house in Long Beach Island, NJ and placed a follow-up call to my hubby to watch their now vacant house while they were away for the summer. Sure enough, I passed a squad car in front of their house yesterday morning.

What started with a harmless, and otherwise friendly, neighbor who kept us entertained with her peculiar antics has turned downright vicious.

The only thing that could make this drama complete is if Alexis Carrington moves into their home. We need to add some knock-down-drag-out catfights to the mix around here before we get too comfortable. Maybe a murder mystery to top things off.

Suburban intrigue unfolding on the Real Housewives of Podunk.