Currier & Ives Gotsta Stop Eatin'

A while back, I went to the Cape with a bunch of friends from college. One friend commented toward the end of the trip that I should become a “snacktress” because my eyes light up and I become animated whenever someone opens a bag of Frito's.

Wouldn’t that be a great job?

I envy the guy who walks around the country asking, “Can you hear me now?” What could be better than receiving a nice, recurring revenue stream from an oft-broadcast commercial? He was on TV constantly for a while but no one would ever recognize his face in LAX. And, even if we did, would we care?

Until my first snacktress job appears, however, I need to back away from the chips. My oldest brother joked over the phone a minute ago that, much akin to the Grinch’s heart growing three sizes, my ass appears to be keeping pace.

What a holiday card that would make.