Now THAT Would Have Been a Miracle

On most mornings, I go to the gym and then to church. I know, I'm a total freak but in my defense it: a) started during Lent, b) is right on the way to work, c) has the correct timing to still get me to work early, d) is easier than reading the Bible alone and e) feels like the perfect way to start the day.

This morning's first reading was about the Israelites who were sent to scout the promised land and came back with fears about the race of giants that was already living there. “We cannot attack these people; they are too strong for us.”

The elderly priest who presides over the 6:30 a.m. mass is prone on more days than not to tell a joke just to see if we're awake yet or comment on how amazing it is that we're all there so early in the morning. (It really is packed on most mornings. Who knew?) Today's random comment was my favorite, "They were afraid of the Amalekites, Hittites, Jebusites, Bud Lights and Amorites." The best part was that he just keep preaching as if the Bud Lights really were part of this race of huge, veritable giants.

I do believe, however, if there really was a giant race of Bud Lights living there, it wouldn't have taken most men 40 years to enter the promised land. Right? We could have saved a lot of time that was otherwise spent wandering the desert with nothing to eat and drink but manna and water. God provided Moses with a staff to bring forth water from rocks. Surely he would have also provided a giant bottle opener, no?

Labatt Blue and I Love Beer

If I were in marketing for Labatt Blue, I would be tempted to leverage the I ♥ NY and JetBlue design collaboration and co-opt it for my own. A little something like this perhaps but with their proper font, of course.

Anything to take a bit of the wind from JetBlew's sails, eh, especially when it wasn't so long ago that they were threatening to move their headquarters to Florida. Fair weather (aka NYS incentive) friends claiming one of our finest cities for their own? I won't let them get away with this. (Insert shaking fist.)

Let 'em move, I say. Then JetBlue can form an iconic partnership with Florida tourism. Oh, I know: "Flying with JetBlue is like three days without sunshine."

I see a future promotional job for Anita Bryant in the works.

On the Rocks

Son #2 has a neighborhood friend who he hangs with a lot. Cute kid. His parents are both prominent professionals in the community. Yet last time Monkey slept at their house, the family didn't have dinner until 11:30 p.m. (Steak! He was very excited to tell us the next day.) Last night, he was supposed to be sleeping over there but at ~8:30 p.m. they changed their minds and came here. No dinner yet.

Is that strange? We're not European.

Monkey called home one Saturday ~10:30 a.m. and asked me to pick him up. Why? Their whole family was still asleep and he was bored. I can't imagine the last time our family slept past 8:00 a.m. (and that's sleeping in). Then again, we usually eat dinner before midnight. Color us crazy.

I discovered this jewel in the basement this morning.

Just now this little neighbor boy was chatting with me about how he can't wait to be a teenager. Why? The parties.

Me: What do you think happens at those parties that you can't do now?
Him: They have fun.
Me: You don't have fun at parties with your friends?
Him: Not that kind of fun.
Me: What does that mean?
Him: Teenagers get to drink.
Me: What do you want to drink?
Him: Beer.
Me: Why?
Him: Because it's fun.

Sh*t. Does it really have to start this early?

Him: My mom drinks wine every night. She says it's fun and it's supposed to be good for you. We call it "Mom fuel."

Ugh. Methinks I should tone down my evening wine so my kids don't start to think it's cool somehow. Or maybe I should just embrace it . . .



UPDATE: We just received a call from his house at 3:10 p.m. asking if he was here. I put him on the phone. This is what I heard.
"Yes, I'm here."
"I did tell you."
"Yesterday."

I guess they just noticed that he was missing for a day.

Tropical Rain Forest

My boss just got back from eight days in Costa Rica where she and her daughter had a blast. Her daughter sent a bunch of pictures of the rain forest, monkeys, crocodiles, butterflies, beaches, yachts and waterfalls. But my favorites were those of my boss, post zip-lining in the rain, with her face absolutely covered in grease and monkey poo. I used one as the background on the main office computer because it's hilarious.

Many years ago, I left my girlfriend Bridget in Tasmania where we were working, and went to travel Australia alone. I made my way from Melbourne up to Alice Springs and Ayers Rock over to Cairns and up to Cape Tribulation before heading back down to Byron Bay and ultimately Sydney where I arrived, penniless. I then borrowed money from my girlfriend Kris' now husband John so that I could afford two more weeks in Tahiti on my way home. Shameless! During my travels, I barely ate and spent my nights in backpackers' hostels that were, at times, covered floor-to-ceiling in geckos. I met heaps of great people, and literally ran into a couple I knew from Tasmania on the beach in Byron Bay, but really just wanted to be by myself for the most part.

I was thinking about all of this yesterday when leafing through the photos because one morning, while in northern Queensland, I awoke early so I could take a long hike through the rain forest. It was vibrant, green and lush. The ferns were dripping with moisture and the sounds were indescribable. It felt so otherworldly and luxurious to me. As I got further and further into the forest, I began to get a little fearful until one point where there was this gigantic lizard blocking my path forward -- which totally unnerved me. I didn't know what to do. Could I step over it? Was it a man-eating lizard? Would it please move? I somehow made my way past it but by then I was freaking out. I felt so alone and knew that I could be the only person in this part of the world for miles. Who would find my scattered remains? And when?

A second later, I entered a clearing that was littered with empty cases of beer, potato chip bags and other remnants of a recent party.

So much for the feelings of isolation and grandeur. My exotic rain forest experience vanished instantly on the heels of an Aussie frat party. And, to make matters worse, I arrived a few hours too late.

I Found My Thrill

I just trolled a bunch of beer review sites (e.g., Beer Advocate, Rate Beer, The Brew Club) where I discovered that I may be the only person on the planet who likes Anheuser-Busch's Wild Blue blueberry lager.


(Image from JustBeer a fun little beer blog.)

Maybe because I don't normally drink beer? And I love Kool-Aid? Or perhaps my sudden attraction to (necessity for) Hall's cough drops and NyQuil are tainting my view.

Anything that's brightly colored with purple foam can't be bad . . . not to mention the antioxidants.

Dinosaur Jr.

Met some Simon school friends for barbecue ribs at the Dinosaur last night. It was sooooooooo good. Sooooooo good. Sooooooooo good. Loved the Drunken Spicy Shrimp Boil the most. And I really enjoyed my flight of beers -- a little strange since I don't even like beer. My favorite: The Arrogant Bastard.

When I just clicked through their site, I happened to notice their tagline (of course).

"You're Not Worthy."

Classic! (Although it shouldn't take a multi-million dollar ad agency to tell you that you don't need quotes around your tag; just a quick gander at other taglines or a dogeared copy of Strunk & White.)