Jesus Loves You

My first boss -- a beautiful, perpetually tanned widow who wore high heels daily with her tight skirts and had a dancer's body, infectious laugh and a more active social life than Paris Hilton -- once received a card that had an image on the front of Jesus hanging on the cross. Along the bottom it read, "Jesus loves you" and on the inside it said, "Everyone else thinks you're an asshole."

She thought this was the funniest thing she had ever seen. I shared it with my dad, who had a penchant for anything off-color, and he concurred. I think he may have even sent one to his brother, my uncle Frank, given that they had a lifelong exchange of all-things-vile.

Lark News has a t-shirt for sale with a tamer, more Christian version of this sentiment. "Jesus loves you. Then again, he loves everybody."



They also sell a shirt that says, "I want to be a pastor's wife" which I think we should sell at my church -- where every woman who attends claims to be in love with our pastor. We could make a killing! D'oh!