My Tips for Disney World

1. Stay at a Disney property because the parks open early for Disney guests and there are no, zero, zilch, nada lines at those wee morning hours. That and the transportation is quick and free.
   
2. Sign up for the Disney meal plan because food at Disney is really, really expensive and the plan is really, really cheap. Including tips, we spent roughly $66 per day on food which breaks down to $22/meal or <$7.50/meal for each of us. The plan includes snacks (e.g., bagel, coffee, chips), counter service (e.g., cheeseburger, fries, drink and dessert) and a sit down meal per day (e.g., sushi, steaks, seafood, dessert) in fairly nice restaurants. In other words, way more food than could possibly be eaten.
3. Invest in The Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World or borrow it from your local library like I did. I went through their rapid rating system and simply put the number of stars per attraction on my park maps. Then we knew exactly what rides we needed to make a beeline to and those which we could avoid.
   
4. Pay attention to #3 above. We ignored the recommendation in the book and went to It's a Small World on the first night because there were no lines. Even my six year old was bored. I warned them beforehand that the song would be permanently seared into their memory banks. Why is it that I can barely remember some of my fondest experiences yet will forever remember that hauntingly insipid tune? Oh, and we also went to the Hall of Presidents where Son #1 shared with us how he hates learning. Great.
   
5. Go with another adult: in case you get the flu. I had to go on every ride knowing that I was likely to die in any given minute. But what was actually worse than going on a roller coaster or a Mission to Mars with the flu was a) waiting in lines with the flu and b) watching my kids eat. I could heave just thinking about it now.
   
6. Go with another adult: in case one kid wants to go on a ride and the other kid doesn't. I had to pawn Son #1 off on some really nice couple because he wanted to go on Expedition Everest and his brother was too scared after the runaway roller coaster Big Thunder Mountain Railroad.
   
7. Don't go on Splash Mountain first thing in the morning. Especially if it's 50 degrees and overcast. Sounds like common sense, right? Yeah, well that's apparently something I'm lacking while on vacation.
   
8. Check out when there is a cheerleading competition at Disney World. This is either something you want to avoid like the plague or book your trip around if you have teenage boys. Our pool was swarming with high school girls in bikinis who were engaging in hula hoop contests. Need I say more?
   
9. Ignore your diet. Everything is filled with grease. Give in and have fun. Oh and look around. Chances are good that, even with belly flab, you're one of the thinnest people here. Speaking of which, Disney is one of the best people watching places I've been to in ages. There were guys with mullets, babies with tattoos, women in high heels, girls in tiny shorts with thigh-high tights, and entire families in matching outfits. Oh, and did I mention adults in mouse ears -- including newly married couples in bride/groom ears (complete with veil)? As the Fug girls said yesterday regarding LA, "you're no one in this town unless you look like an a*hole."
   
10. Come once and never again. The kids had soooo much fun yet I'm both exhausted and penniless.