NostraDNIS

Dear "Phil,"

While I appreciate your messages about the "huge opportunity" for me with Yahoo!, Google and Bing, can't your predictive dialer predict that no one will be in our office to answer your calls at 10:00 p.m. night after night?

Sincerely yours,

Sleeping in Suburbia

P.S. I have been channeling Miss Cleo lately and have some amazing insights for you including this: no one is interested. Give it a rest.

Strangers with Candy

Yesterday, a delivery man stopped by with a large package from one of our vendors. As he stood there, I opened it and (like an ingrate) said, "I really don't need any of this crap." He noted the bag of cookies on top and responded, "My grandmother taught me never to turn down chocolate chip cookies."

Me: Oh really? Would you like some cookies??

Him: No thanks.

Apparently someone isn't heeding grandma's advice. This clearly falls in the "save your marketing dollars for someone who cares" category. Between designing, printing, sourcing, picking, packing, shipping and delivering -- what a colossal waste of money. The irony of it all was the 96 page, four-color, bound "we mean green" insert. Put your money where your mouth is? Oh well. Time for some cookies.