Ah! The Joke's on Me!

I've decided that if you list all of the attributes of the perfect spouse (e.g., rich, handsome, kind, generous, pleasant, tidy, faithful), not only should "funny" be at the top of the list, it should be weighted more heavily than all of the other attributes combined--especially if you're like I am and take life a bit too seriously at times. Because when life hands you lemons, you may as well have someone beside you to unexpectedly squeeze them into your face and make you laugh.

Last week, I went to Stein Mart, home of the epic sale, and bought a slew of black sweaters, black skirts, black dresses, gray dresses, and so on (i.e., my daily work wardrobe) and only spent $200. I was soooo proud of myself. (Aside: I love how the Stein Mart receipt tallies your supposed savings! What a psychological boost to see that I presumably saved over $950.)

Hubby: Congratulations! You just spent $200 buying stuff you already own!

Last night, our family was watching a Nova episode entitled "Can We Live Forever?" in which they profiled the 13-lined ground squirrel -- an animal that can survive an experience which should have left him for dead: hibernation.

Hubby: Oh! I thought they were going to say "marriage."

Ha. Good for an unexpected laugh out of me and the thumbs-up from Son #1.

Short story long. It reminded me of a day spent, many moons ago, in pre-cana (i.e., mandatory premarital counseling for those being wed in the Catholic church). Our guide for the day was a deacon of the church and his wife, a woman of considerable heft. You could hide a Twinkie in her folds if she didn't get to it first. My most vivid memory of the day was when he talked about how he found God whenever he and his wife made love. Seriously. T! M! I!

Anyhoo, at our table were three women named Laura and Cathy Turner, local Olympic gold medalist in speed skating, along with their soon-to-be spouses. Each couple received a workbook that had a picture of a happy couple doing a crossword puzzle together. The first word, horizontal, was being filled in by the dude holding a pencil with the word "marriage." How sweet, right?

While the rest of the room was taking their partnering exercises very seriously, our whole table was cracking jokes. Turned out to be a pretty fun day, all things considered. At one point, I glanced at the cover of our workbook and noticed that my lovely boyfriend had drawn a speech bubble over the guy's photo and written, "Honey, what's an eight-letter word for incarceration?"

Upon reflection, I think that may have set the tone for our far-from-perfect but still funny marriage. I wonder how the rest of the couples in that room fared?

Late for Work

Yesterday, I came into work a half-hour late and said to my boss, “Sorry. I had to play an emergency game of Chutes and Ladders.” She responded sincerely, “Well, it’s good that you know your priorities.”

After working 12 hours the day before and barely seeing my kids before they went to bed, yes, a last minute detour to appease a pleading kid was fine by me. I didn’t even mind that, just when he or I was about to win, we kept sliding back. I did have fleeting thoughts of, “I’m never going to get to work at this rate” but I also knew that there was nowhere I would rather be at that moment than sitting on my child’s bedroom floor playing a game.

Today, late again. Not only does our little guy need daily hugs and consoling because school is too hard, his day is too long, and he misses daddy and monkey but I apparently need fashion advice.

In my black lace top: “Are you seeing any clients today?”

In my new white blouse: “Planning to take an art class in that 50’s smock Holly Go?”

Finally, in my thin, gray, pinstripe skirt: “She shoots; she scores.”

As much as it’s time consuming, I appreciate that I have a hubby who can deter me from looking like a total idiot as I walk out the door. Some guys barely look up; others think their wives look good in anything. While there are benefits to the latter mindset, I prefer the honesty.

I also appreciate that I have a husband who makes my kids laugh. A lot. If I were a stay-at-home mom, Son #2 would have to be dragged on that bus kicking and screaming because I was still comforting and cajoling him. Instead, his tears only last a few minutes and then he’s cracking up over something daddy is saying or doing in order to encourage him to lighten up and move on.