Happy Birthday Scootchie

Our oldest son turns 10 today. Ten years of love, snuggles, tenderness and fascination, on my part, with all of the things boys go through. (Really, who knew the military channel could be so compelling?)

A decade ago while living in VA, we went to dinner at an old friend of the hubby's (who is now a mutual friend). When we arrived, this guy and his then-girlfriend were hammered beyond belief. Whiskey, I believe. While it made for a really interesting/fun night out, mainly because he's a very sweet and funny character, it probably wasn't best for someone who was >9 months preggers and counting (i.e., me) -- especially since they left out the actual serving dinner portion of the evening. I finally asked if there was any food. They fired up the grill, put on a hot dog for me and promptly forgot about it.

I ate a single, bun-less, burnt hot dog. No condiments. No chips. And then I went into labor.

Uber-nerd that I am, I couldn't sleep. Instead, I spent the night tracking my contractions in Excel and calculating/charting the a) length of time between them and b) rate of acceleration. Finally, around 6:30 a.m. I woke the hubby up to drive me to the hospital.

As we drove, my brain went into hyperactivity. OMG: How do they get this thing out of me? Is it too late to outsource? Once we got to the hospital, I was fine. And by fine, I mean that I was weak and exhausted from staying up all night and not eating dinner. Good Lord. Just a few short, strenuous, puking orange Popsicle, drug free* hours later, our little dude was born.

Had I known I was a birthing machine, I would have started younger and put some on the black market. Anything for a buck.

With that said, I'm unbelievably grateful for the past ten years and feel blessed beyond belief. He's a wonderful little man; I'm honored to know him and to be his mom. Happy birthday dude.

*I didn't intend to do labor drug-free. My OB-GYN practice was highly professional but also run by hippy chick MDs (no hip, hip, hip, hip, no hippy chick). Alternative medicine. Doulas. The whole nine yards. Through them, we signed up for the Bradley Method without realizing that it stressed natural birth. First class: show of hands, who's planning to use drugs? Only hand up: mine. Me drug free? During excruciating pain? Yep. I did it. Crazy but true.

Under Pressure

I snuck away from my desk for an hour this a.m. to see my massage therapist. I went on a whim to see him for the first time maybe six months ago because I had an afternoon free and he had a cancellation. Nothing wrong, per se, just stressed and in need of a massage. I've been back a few more times for the same pseudo-reason. More indulgence than medical. Or more mentally restorative than physically therapeutic.

Today, different story. I've had what I thought was a pinched nerve in my upper back. I've also been unable to breathe for a few weeks due to my "chest pains" which I attributed to stress. Apparently, they're both related with one compensating for the other. The primary back/shoulder issue is what he called "anterior scapular rotation." (Or something like that!)

So instead of a full massage, he focused on applying pressure to specific areas affecting my range of motion and ability to breathe. All upper body: chest, ribs, neck, shoulder blades, upper back. Long, burning pressure combined with slow arm movement until the fire subsided. New area, one cm away, repeat. Wash, rinse, repeat.

I'm probably going to be pretty darned sore tonight but I'll tell you one thing: I can already take a deep breath. Cannot wait to be back to "normal." There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

Happy Birthday Monkey!

Today is our little guy's sixth birthday! He already opened one gift: a Webkinz German Shepherd that he named Derek after Jeter. The hubby tried to get him to call it Derek Dieter (he is German after all) but the humor was lost on him.

So six years ago today, my boss gave me the day off! Crazy! I was due three days prior and was as big as a house. "Stay home and have that baby," she counseled me. I heed advice well.

I had the world's fastest labor. Either that or I slept through most of it; I do have a high tolerance for pain. I took a nap, woke up in labor and knew I needed to get to the hospital STAT. (Love using that term in that sentence!) I took a quick shower and, as we were walking out the door, my boss called. So what did I do? Why I took the call, of course! Never mind that it's rush hour traffic on a Friday night and I'm about to give birth, what interesting events happened at the office today?

We hung up when she caught wind of the hubby's insistence in the background.

We made it to the hospital in record time only to find they didn't want to admit me because my water had not broken. So they put me in triage and called for a doctor. A few minutes later a nurse came in, checked me out and told me that I'm not even close to giving birth and they'll probably just give me some drugs to ease the pain and send me home. What??? I politely shared with him that I'm giving birth THIS INSTANT and not leaving the hospital.

We then waited a few more minutes for a doctor. The doctor examined me, with the nurse by her side, and not-so-calmly said, "Get her to a room immediately. This is an emergency!"

So, the nurse started running and wheeling my bed down the hall lickety-split. We were careening and hitting walls while he yelled at people to get out of the way. The hubby asked him if he had just come in from Happy Hour. Even though I was in some serious labor, we were all laughing.

I give birth approximately two seconds after arriving in my room. All-in-all, less than an hour in total and <30 minutes after I hung up with my boss.

After calling my mom to tell her all was well, the hubby left a message on my boss' home answering machine. She got home about a minute later amazed that in the time it took her to pack her gear and drive home, I had already gotten to the hospital and given birth.

No wonder we promote our process optimization services so highly. I gave birth to the poster child for streamlining and workflow efficiencies . . .