Intergalactic Planetary Mom

When I told Son #2 that I would come home early tonight to go trick-or-treating, he jumped up and down a couple of times and gave me a huge hug.

"You're the best mom in town. In the world. Wait, you're the best mom in the universe. Except for that one mom on the planet Zircon -- I heard she's pretty awesome."

Joe the Tight End

Grannie Annie played football with Son #2 today. While playing, she began bragging that she was as good as Joe Namath, Joe Montana and Joe . . .

Son #2: Joe the Plumber?

Hold on to that Feelin'

From my co-worker Scott who is leaving me for greener pastures . . .



(Taken on his cell phone in the Park Ave. neighborhood.)

Reading, Writing and Right Wing Rhetoric

Son #1 said to the hubby after school today, "I heard that if Obama wins the election, we'll have to go to school on snow days."

Yes and abortions will be mandatory.

Can You Hear Me Now?

Son #2: I can't waaaaait for my birthday party next weekend -- Village Sports is going to be sooooooooooo much fun.

Son #1: Duh. Birthday parties are always fun.

Son #2: But Village Sports is the best.

Son #1: Doesn't matter. Can you think of anywhere that wouldn't be fun if it was a party?

Son #2: Verizon Wireless.

Holy non sequitur Batman! But he is right . . .

Riddle Me This

Q: What happens when you're too tired to carry your laptop home even though you have heaps o' work to do?

A: Why you freak out, shower and come to work at 3:30 a.m., silly.

Isn't that what everyone does?

Heart Melt!

Son #1 began punching his brother for no apparent reason while we were sitting on the couch last night.

Me: What the heck is going on?

Son #2 (with arms tightly wrapped around me): He's jealous 'cause I got the girl.

Tropical Rain Forest

My boss just got back from eight days in Costa Rica where she and her daughter had a blast. Her daughter sent a bunch of pictures of the rain forest, monkeys, crocodiles, butterflies, beaches, yachts and waterfalls. But my favorites were those of my boss, post zip-lining in the rain, with her face absolutely covered in grease and monkey poo. I used one as the background on the main office computer because it's hilarious.

Many years ago, I left my girlfriend Bridget in Tasmania where we were working, and went to travel Australia alone. I made my way from Melbourne up to Alice Springs and Ayers Rock over to Cairns and up to Cape Tribulation before heading back down to Byron Bay and ultimately Sydney where I arrived, penniless. I then borrowed money from my girlfriend Kris' now husband John so that I could afford two more weeks in Tahiti on my way home. Shameless! During my travels, I barely ate and spent my nights in backpackers' hostels that were, at times, covered floor-to-ceiling in geckos. I met heaps of great people, and literally ran into a couple I knew from Tasmania on the beach in Byron Bay, but really just wanted to be by myself for the most part.

I was thinking about all of this yesterday when leafing through the photos because one morning, while in northern Queensland, I awoke early so I could take a long hike through the rain forest. It was vibrant, green and lush. The ferns were dripping with moisture and the sounds were indescribable. It felt so otherworldly and luxurious to me. As I got further and further into the forest, I began to get a little fearful until one point where there was this gigantic lizard blocking my path forward -- which totally unnerved me. I didn't know what to do. Could I step over it? Was it a man-eating lizard? Would it please move? I somehow made my way past it but by then I was freaking out. I felt so alone and knew that I could be the only person in this part of the world for miles. Who would find my scattered remains? And when?

A second later, I entered a clearing that was littered with empty cases of beer, potato chip bags and other remnants of a recent party.

So much for the feelings of isolation and grandeur. My exotic rain forest experience vanished instantly on the heels of an Aussie frat party. And, to make matters worse, I arrived a few hours too late.

Abstract Cuisinart

It's common during new product development to spend time in situe with actual users to see how the product performs in naturally occurring situations (e.g., home, work, school, street), learn what issues customers are facing and gain new insights to drive product improvements.

With that said, how is it possible that our brand new Cuisinart coffee maker has what basically amounts to invisible marks denoting the water line (which the hubby has now delineated with a green Sharpie). Now we no longer have to guess how many cups we're making but the streamlined aesthetics "for a look that is sure to enhance your countertop" have been slightly downgraded. Not that I care about how it looks but, come on, pouring water into the thing is one of the principle steps of coffee making. How can they get that basic function wrong?

Also, in less than a week, the carafe lid came out of the dishwasher this morning with slight coffee staining. Already. I'm not a polymer scientist but surely there's another resin they've tested for coffeemakers that doesn't stain, no?

Grumpy Monday?

Real Housewives of Atlanta

What's with these Real Housewives shows? I cannot get enough. Seriously, spending $18K on your daughter's 11th birthday party? It is so over the blinkin' top that I'm mesmerized. The little girl also received a Louis Vuitton bag from her mom that cost over $1.5K. Did I mention that this same mom went out on a spur-of-the-moment spree and bought herself a brand spanking new Cadillac Escalade and appeared to pay the sticker price? With a check? Nowadays, with the economy tanking, it's just glorious to delight in the follies of women whose biggest fears reside in how to navigate successfully the tenuous Atlanta social terrain and whose lifestyles are not likely to be radically affected by any market downturn.

Although my blog readership is principally limited to the few close friends and family members who take a moment to view this site on occassion, I would like to extend a downhome dinner invitation to Bob Whitfield as a gentle reminder that all women are not as uptight, self-important and crazy as his ex-wife. May sound frightening to the affluent but I guarantee that the hubby and I can entertain him for less than $100. I also guarantee that man has an epic drama to share about life with Sheree and I want to hear it!

Enquiring minds want to know. I wanna know!

Joe the Plumber

Dick, Paul and Warren
And Biden, too
General Jim Jones joins the crew
Obama and the gang have so much fun
Working together, they get the job done

Joe the Plumber
Can we fix it?
Joe the Plumber
Yes we can!

(My apologies to those of you with young lads out there who now have the Bob the Builder theme song stuck in your heads.)

Kid Riffs

On the way to VA, we stopped at a gas station in PA. As the pump did its thing, the hubby began to wash the windows.

Son #2: Hey, look at that guy cleaning our windshield. We should bring him to the wedding with us.

Son #1: That's not just some guy . . . that's our driver.

Not sure at what age they began riffing off one another but, at ages six and eight, it's definitely taken a turn for the professional. Maybe it's due to the fact that they watched a million episodes of The Simpsons on the way down along with Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

As a result, there was a lot of galloping during the wedding reception and myriad "what is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?" questions.

Sure beats the Teletubbies years.

Alex y Kim

Just celebrated the wedding of two awesome friends in Northern VA hunt country. Gorgeous weather. Sunny. Warm. Cloudless. Perfect.

The house where they were married sits atop a large hill overlooking ponds, fields, cattle and rolling hills in the distance.



I had the honor of leading the ceremony and tried my hardest not to cry. But I cried.

So much for my gazillion dollar make-up job from a talented man who did all the make-up for Sabado Gigante for a decade. With credentials like that, you would think I would have blazing red lips and over-the-top color. Nope. He refused to put blush on me, after caking my skin with primer (his term), he said the natural red of my cheeks would come out. No such luck. Thankfully, that day was NOT about me!

I'm very, very happy for them. They have a beautiful relationship and started their marriage with a flawless day. Definitely an auspicious beginning.

Zinger!

"Well, you know, Sen. McCain, in the last debate and today, again, suggested that I don't understand. It's true. There are some things I don't understand.

I don't understand how we ended up invading a country that had nothing to do with 9/11 . . ."

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Funny!

In God We Trust

In the sermon at church yesterday, our children's minister made the connection between the "fear" everyone is feeling during the current economic crisis (yes, Governor Palin, I was listening) and our collective inability to trust in the Lord completely.

"No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth. For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?" (Matthew 6:24-26)

He went on to comment on how "In God We Trust" on our currency is more than just outdated lip service to our nation's motto (I'm paraphrasing but you get the point). It's a constant reminder that we need to put our faith in the Lord and, as a result, we'll be less anxious. In other words, no matter what happens, God's got our back.

"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself."

This sermon came right on the heels -- pun intended -- of a week-long search for the perfect dress and shoes for my girlfriend Kim's wedding! Never mind the wallet when you can wear Calvin Klein's finest six-inch heels this side of the Bowery. (Note: These looked ridiculous so I put them on for a joke. Joke was on me; they're cute as can be. I'm just not sure I can walk.)

Never to be worn again unless the economy takes me to flophouse ruin? Then I'll be adequately prepared for the oldest profession in the world. Well, at least my feet will be . . .

Lost in the Supermarket

The folks at Trendwatching recently coined the word PERKONOMICS.

"A new breed of perks and privileges, added to brands’ regular offerings, is satisfying consumers’ ever-growing desire for novel forms of status and/or convenience, across all industries."



I love the concept in the signage above. In this case, a retailer can reward customers who behave in ways that is consistent with their brand -- even beyond the shopping experience.

When I was preggers with Son #1, for the first time ever, people began to offer me their seats on the subway and Metro North. Yep, right when the benefits of being knocked up kicked in, we moved to Northern VA. D'oh!

What I found there, however, was also pretty cool: signs in front of the best spaces in parking lots that said "Parking for Expectant Mothers." Hey, that's me! I was suffering from exhaustion and extreme cankles at the time and really appreciated the benefit (even if walking probably would have helped). Here, at the mega-Wegs in Pittsford, we have designated parking areas for parents shopping with small children. For a while there, I was loving that, too.

All of this has made me stop to think: are there ways (other than parking related) that my clients can offer non-traditional but brand-related perks to their customers? As Taco Bell reminds me, I need to start thinking outside the bun.

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On an unrelated note, did Wegmans just change their logo??

to

I'll be darned. It's definitely an improvement. Clean, less dated and more legible. But it's not grabbing me yet. Wegmans strikes me as a progressive, customer-centric, employee-friendly company; whereas, this image seems to hearken back to a bygone era. It makes me want to don an apron, vintage dress and put my hair in a beehive updo. Mind you, after saying that I wanted to be Amy Sedaris yesterday, that isn't entirely a bad thing.


(Image from AdoreVintage.com)

Maybe I can pick up the fixins for some tuna casserole.

Elegance and Rebellion

My girlfriend Kim is getting married in ten days. Cannot wait!

In the process of shopping for dresses -- wedding, rehearsal dinner, dancing, whatever -- she came across some gorgeous dresses from Nicole Miller. While Kim's taste runs much wilder than mine (she's younger and more hippie chick), I really like the professional dresses on the Nicole Miller site.



What's more, I appreciate the fact that her marketing team accurately captured the subtle nuance of her style.

Nicole Miller uniquely combines the ideas of elegance and rebellion
to achieve a subtle sexiness that is the essence of modern femininity.

In this world where everything seems to be shifting to ubiquitous mall store fashion (which can be a blessing in a city like ours where style is not a top priority), it's refreshing to see elegance that works.

Me Talk Pretty

My girlfriend took me to see David Sedaris at the Auditorium Theatre last night because her husband, who purchased the tickets, was called out of town on business (thanks John!). Since I had given Amy Sedaris' Hospitality Under the Influence cookbook to her for her b-day a few years ago, she knew how much I like the hilarity of the Sedaris family in general -- second only to the Cusacks. Whereas I want to marry John (Cusack that is) because he's hot AND I could then spend Christmas with Joan, I actually want to be Amy Sedaris. There's nothing better than dressing up and acting like a goofball (except getting paid for doing so); I just don't get to do it often enough. Maybe since the white trash bridal shower we threw for my girlfriend Mary many moons ago?

Anyhoo, I now wish I could be a talented writer like David -- yet his deadlines seem comparable to mine. He wakes up three hours before his car service arrives in the morning in order to get work done . . . not as relaxed as the romanticized life of a writer otherwise sounds.

Although he was standing and pretty darned funny, unlike Chris Rock, David Sedaris is not a stand-up comic per se. Instead he reads from his essays which are laden with dry humor and a shy sensitivity that comes even more to life with his spoken voice. He had the audience laughing throughout the show -- including some gaffawing. The best line of the night, which I cannot capture properly without the backstory and his comedic delivery, included a comparison for voters in the upcoming election between the chicken dish or human shit with glass.

Strangely, my favorite portion was the Q&A session at the end of his reading. It showcased that he is quick witted even when speaking off-the-cuff. The questions posed weren't intriguing at face value
(e.g., who's your favorite sibling and why?); however, his honest, thoughtful and droll answers made it more remarkable and interesting than his readings.

Oh and speaking of strange, David Sedaris continually plugged The Braindead Megaphone Essays by SU professor George Saunders. Not only was he selling this book alongside his in the lobby but he also said to the crowd, "I would buy his book before I would buy anything written by me."

With a recommendation like that, it has to be funny, no? Maybe I'll read it this weekend.