Racials Slurs and Expletives in Second Grade

Last night, after watching Serena Williams play in the US Open for a little while, I was putting the kids to bed. Son #1 asked me, "Mama, why do some people call black people the 'N word'?"

Me: Where on earth did you hear that word?

Son #1: Evan called a girl in our class a "F'ing N" last year and got sent to the Principal's office. (Names changed to protect the not-so-innocent.)

Me (shocked, horrified and somewhat speechless): That is not acceptable -- not funny, not to be taken lightly, not to ever come out of your mouth -- do you understand? We need to focus on loving everyone and embracing people's differences.

Son #1: Yeah, that's why I like the kids in my class so much: some are Asian or Indian.

Me: So why, with so many awesome friends, do you hang out with Evan so much?

Son #1: Well, he's really funny. Do you know how we met?

Me: In kindergarten?

Son #1: Yeah, we were supposed to be drawing and he asked me if I wanted him to draw a picture of his private parts. So I said, "yes" but I didn't know what private parts were. A few minutes later, Mrs. Fernandez was taking him to the Principal's office and I looked over to my left and saw his drawing. That's when I figured out what private parts were. When Mrs. Fernandez came back she told us that we're not allowed to draw private parts in school.

(Pause.)

Me: Life is all about the choices you make. You have a choice right now. You can either sink to his level if you keep hanging out with him or you can raise him up and let him know that there's a better world out there that doesn't include using bad words and drawing inappropriate pictures.

Son #1: We've already talked about that. We now have an agreement that he won't swear around me any more.

Me: Whoa. I'm impressed that you've already had that conversation!

Son #1: I had to. He got sent to the Principal's office every day last year for swearing and I thought maybe he should stop.

I felt like I had been sucker punched. I am sooooooooo glad that, for the first time in three years, these kids are finally in different classrooms. And, no, he can never sleep over at that kid's house even though he keeps asking. Never. Do his parents think this crap is funny? Are they saying these things, too, or just resigned to it after raising older boys? I have no idea.

You are known by the company you keep. And life is governed by the choices we make. How do you really teach that to a kid entering third grade?