Extreme Makeover: Weight Gain Edition

Last Saturday morning, I was in the locker room in the gym brushing my hair when Christine, one of my BFF's since childhood, came in. I said, "Hey!" and she, of course (always polite), said "Hi!" and kept walking. I continued, "By the way, I was thinking of going to the lake tonight and thought maybe I could pawn my kids off on you since you're driving down tomorrow." She stopped, turned around and said, "OMG, I didn't recognize you a minute ago."

(Note: She also asked, a moment later when discussing what to bring, "Do you like wine?")

Whaaaat? We've been friends for over 40 years. We see each other all of the time. I found it somewhat incredulous. (Answer: Yes, I like wine.)

On Sunday morning, I was drinking coffee on the front porch of my girlfriend Mary's main cottage and another friend from childhood, Anne (of previous post cigarette fame) with whom I had bunked the night before in the guest house, came over. She then asked me where I was.

Um, right here?

She said, "OMG, I thought you were somebody else." Really? In broad daylight? From a foot away? After having spent the entire night with me?

Later that afternoon, I was coming up the lawn from the lake and both girlfriends were in the hot tub. Anne spotted me and asked Christine, "Who is that walking up the hill?"

Christine felt vindicated. "See?! It's not just me."

Today, I'm sitting in a sausage dress with my buttons almost popping open encased in my own personal hell.

I guess the good news is that apparently no one will know it's me.