Fear Factor

Can't. Seem. To. Get. My. Sh*t. Together. Lately.

Where to start?

We had a bit of drama in our house during the last week of school when Son #1 dis-invited me from the fourth grade poetry slam. Why? Because I embarrass him. Nothing I do, per se, just my entire being and presence thereof (i.e., nothing I can change short of moving to Guam which I am considering). The next day he apologized and asked me to come but it was a bittersweet event for me. I wanted to cry the entire time because I was a) grateful to be there and b) acutely aware that I wasn't really wanted or needed. Thankfully, the hubby was his usual hilarious self, quipping quietly to me as each kid performed, so the day was not shot.

Another recent weekend my girlfriend Yammikins came to visit. We spent one day at Niagara Falls riding the Maid of the Mist and going on the Journey Behind the Falls. Very cheesy but fun. At the end of the day, Son #2 and I went to the haunted house that we were steered away from last year -- the woman manning the cash register had warned us that it was too scary for little kids. He complained the whole way home last year and insisted on going this year. So we did.

Pitch black. Narrow hallways. Dingy mirrors. Things that bump into your face. Costumed men jumping out. Noises. Touches.

Son #2 was freaking out. He wanted me to carry him. (He's eight; I'm not that strong.) After what felt like an eternity of holding hands and walking very, very slowly while Son #2 whimpered, I asked one guy who jumped out at us, "How much further do we have?" He responded, "You're about a quarter of the way through." Holy crap! We continued for another few minutes, frantically trying all of the exit doors that we located, until the next dude scared. us. "Would you be willing to help us out of here?" No problem. He walked us through the maze, flashlight on, garden hoses hanging from ceiling fully illuminated, telling us what was going to happen. "At the bottom of these steps, you're going to step on a mat and a big, loud, blast of air will hit you in the face." Even knowing this piece of information, and seeing the mat, didn't stop Son #2 from panicking.

When we finally exited, we needed to sit down for a minute outside with Yams and Son #1 because Son #2 told us that his legs were paralyzed.

Note to self: parenting means making decisions that are in the best interests of your children. Once again, I need more lessons.

I can't control my fingers I can't control my toes, oh no no no no no.

Sorry dude. Put me in a wheelchair. I wanna be sedated, too.

Viva Niagara

The kids and I met my old housemate Berrie and her family down in honky tonk town for the first half of Labor Day weekend. "Underneath the ground where the fun is found."

Niagara Falls is the land of bipolar fun. From the sheer majesty of the falls to wax museums, arcades and haunted houses, it has it all and more. 4D movies. Jet boat tours. And a Hard Rock Cafe that no amount of coaxing can convince a seven year old boy that it's really not all that and a bag of chips.

Bright lights, small city. As we were walking back to the hotel at night, Son #2 exclaimed, "I feel like I'm in Vegas."

We packed as much as possible into two short days:

• Donning blue rain gear for the Maid of the Mist and begging the question, "do tall people really need to stand in front of children and obstruct their views?" Have a heart folks.
  
• Roaming for ages through the Butterfly Conservatory which was my favorite attraction. My soul was aching for a butterfly to land on me until a new, tiny, orange friend decided to rent some space on my pink purse for a few minutes. Thanks little dude.
  
• Taking a circa 1935 elevator (ugh) down a cliff to the White Water Walk to be greeted by category six rapids and a stone wall upon which tourists stick their gum -- just lovely
• Sitting outside at a sidewalk cafe, Antica, and gorging ourselves on delicious pizza
  
• Swimming at the hotel pool and taking in the 10 p.m. fireworks over the falls from Berrie's room
• Limiting the kids to three attractions. They chose Brick City (a room filled with Lego sculptures of Niagara Falls, a 10' tall replica of the CN Tower, an AC/DC concert, the Taj Mahal, etc. as well as wall-sized Lego art), the Guinness World Records (crappy, walk-through, "book" with replicas of things like the world's tallest man) and the Mystery Maze (another "must miss" adventure)
• Enjoying the view, one last time, from the Niagara SkyWheel: a gigantic ferris wheel over the falls
  

Yesterday we spent the afternoon on the boat at my brother-in-law's cottage. The kids are finally at the age where they love taking on air and being ejected into the lake from the inner-tube. It scares me a little to watch but is also a source of constant screams and laughing which is much-needed.

So far, a great weekend. I don't want summer to end.