HAGS

No, we don't have an elevator in our home. No, we don't have a boat. Or a pool.

And now, sleepovers at our house are more boring than at friends' homes. Why? Because other kids have go-kart tracks in their backyards.

Really.

But seriously, thank God for those friends because it really does sound like fun! I want to come!

******

In semi-related news, gone are the days when kids write a nice line or paragraph in each others' yearbooks. Today, it's all boiled down to one acronym: HAGS.

Have a great summer.

Not without a go-kart apparently.

Mini-weekend: Day 10

Wow, ten weeks and going . . . well, strong might not be the right word. But going nonetheless.

Today, I spent over two hours at the Elizabeth Wende Breast Clinic. I have to say, if you need to spend so much time in a lounge awaiting test results from a fairly painful squish-your-boobs-into-pancakes set of exams, this is the place to do so. Nice, white cotton robes. Fireplace. O Magazine. Big tank of tropical fish. Hot teas. Back massages. If I didn't know any better, it would have felt like a few hours at the spa.

I followed it up with a trip to my chiropracter -- who I love, love, love. He's a professional miracle worker and also very interesting, motivational, spiritual, compassionate, funny, intellectual, musical, etc. One time, I was walking out and I said to his wife Dawn, who was working the front desk, "I love your husband." She replied, "Yeah, you and about a million others. Get in line!" We both cracked up.

Today, in the waiting room, a business man walked in who was worried about missing his flight. I offered to switch appointments with him since I was in no hurry as it was my day off. He gratefully accepted, asked where I worked and (of course) knew my boss. Small world. Small town. Small favor. Hope he made it to the airport on time.

Lastly, I had the pleasure of meeting with a furnace sales rep. I didn't realize how much I needed a new furnace. Now my wardrobe is complete. What's another $3K in this money pit? When I went to sit with my new friend Alan at Chase, he shared horror stories with me of clients who have $100K in credit card debt. I rarely take pleasure in others' misfortunes but it did help me to put my situation in better light. New furnace, new front porch, new siding, new windows, new countertops: not optimal but at least it's not being spent on crack whores.

We'll have to win the lottery to afford that kind of luxury.

Real Housewives of Atlanta

What's with these Real Housewives shows? I cannot get enough. Seriously, spending $18K on your daughter's 11th birthday party? It is so over the blinkin' top that I'm mesmerized. The little girl also received a Louis Vuitton bag from her mom that cost over $1.5K. Did I mention that this same mom went out on a spur-of-the-moment spree and bought herself a brand spanking new Cadillac Escalade and appeared to pay the sticker price? With a check? Nowadays, with the economy tanking, it's just glorious to delight in the follies of women whose biggest fears reside in how to navigate successfully the tenuous Atlanta social terrain and whose lifestyles are not likely to be radically affected by any market downturn.

Although my blog readership is principally limited to the few close friends and family members who take a moment to view this site on occassion, I would like to extend a downhome dinner invitation to Bob Whitfield as a gentle reminder that all women are not as uptight, self-important and crazy as his ex-wife. May sound frightening to the affluent but I guarantee that the hubby and I can entertain him for less than $100. I also guarantee that man has an epic drama to share about life with Sheree and I want to hear it!

Enquiring minds want to know. I wanna know!

Anything for a Buck

For whatever reason, this guy cracks me up.

For $1, he will think about you for a minute and send you an email. Or he'll take a picture of the sky and email it to you. For $20, he'll send you a rock from the Hudson River.

Or you can put money down (along with others) to fund many of his larger ventures. He has raised just over $200 to get his MFA and he's raised $25 to go to Taketomi (an Okinawan island) and gather star sand. He's currently seeking money to travel to South America, Newfoundland, Perth, New Haven, Los Angeles and Iceland. (So am I, for that matter!)

Thanks to the generous donations of visitors to his site, he has visited a psychic, gone to West Saugerties to find the house where Bob Dylan recorded the Basement Tapes, fed the homeless, read the Little Prince on the steps of the NYSE, and sold some of his secrets to others.

To date, he hasn't become rich off this scheme (to the best of my knowledge) but I would venture to guess that his life has become more interesting.

With that said, if anyone wants to send me money, please don't hesitate. I will most definitely attribute the source and what it funded on this enormously popular blog of mine. Big fish/small pond notoriety at its finest.

(Note: Mom, unless you recommend otherwise, your generous donations will remain under the radar screen. There are already way too many to mention but I can easily change all of that with a quick tap-tap-tap on the keyboard. Just last week, new socks, another guitar for the boys to compete with one another on Guitar Hero, free babysitting, a book called "Fit for God," a bottle of Prosecco, etc. Yet that's just the tip of the iceberg . . . )

Speaking of funding, my boss recently offered to pay for a full back tattoo if I wanted one. She specifically indicated that she wanted it to be a giant, fire breathing dragon or maybe an eagle. Given that I still don't have pierced ears, I think she made a somewhat safe bet. Won't she be surprised when she gets the bill?!

New Car, Caviar, Four Star Daydream

I saw something that hit me like a ton of bricks mere moments ago. It was a daily devotional from Pastor Greg Laurie that my coworker Bill sent to me in jest entitled “Saved Soul, Wasted Life.” (Hmm, what made him think of me?!) The principle premise of the text was asking us what our main purpose in life is and reminding us that it should be to glorify God (vs. personal fulfillment). Yeah, how am I doing? Not so great most of the time. I have been blessed with many resources and talents but find myself grousing a lot and thinking negative thoughts more than I care to admit. I also don’t invite God into my day often enough. Yes, I pray for His presence as I drive to client meetings but then put Him aside as I undertake many of the tasks I perform at my desk—which explains why I habitually get sidetracked and don’t accomplish as much as I anticipate on a daily basis. And, I ask for His help in my life more than I ask what He wants me to do for Him. Methinks I have the equation backwards.

But the real kicker for me was the following line about tithing, “This is my money. Here is your 10 percent, Lord. I give a waitress more, but 10 percent is all you get.” What a shocking comparison; yet, for me it’s only partially true. I give waiters and waitresses 20% and give to God less than 2% of my salary. Yet, who deserves more? Everything I have in life—and I have many blessings—is from God. My family, health, drive, intelligence, job, etc. So why am I giving Him so little? Is it because I don’t trust Him to provide for me and my family even when He’s given so abundantly to me? What more does He need to do to prove His love?

I could blame my lack of giving on my husband who doesn’t have the same beliefs as I and who also manages our finances (or lack thereof!). But the truth is: I’m the one writing the check to church every week.

I could also blame the fact that I am not 100% sold that I’m in the right church right now. It’s a bit too “jump the shark” for me given that I’m pretty conservative (e.g., I prefer hymns over modern dance performances). But the truth is: the biblical teachings remain solid and I have no concerns that the church finances are being used unwisely.

It’s entirely me. I need to readjust my priorities and, in addition to being thankful for everything in my life, give more of myself to God.