Wolfgang Puck

While playing hockey in the driveway yesterday, Son #2 flipped the puck in the air, raised his stick and quickly maneuvered so the puck landed perfectly on the outstretched, horizontal stick.

Then, without skipping a beat, he deadpanned, "Did somebody order a pizza?"

Know Your Audience

One of my SVPs at Amex once presented to a large crowd of bigwigs including Harvey Golub who was CEO at the time. He began his presentation by pointing to a large gap between himself and the audience and saying, "What's this? The corporate mosh pit?" No one laughed. He came back dismayed and said, "You should always warm people up with a story or a joke but lesson learned -- know your audience."

I was reminded of this on Christmas Eve when, in the middle of the children's pageant at church, a blinding white light came on overhead. I turned to the guy next to me, who was seated with his family, and said, "Last call." He responded, "Pardon?" and, like a moron, I repeated myself.

Yep, nothing funnier than barroom humor during a Christmas service.

Eawaches

Son#2: "What does the cown doctor heaw?"

Me: "The what doctor?"

Son#2: "The cown, c-o-r-n, doctor."

Me: "Oh, what does the corn doctor hear?"

Son#2: "Noooo, heaw, h-e-a-l."

Me: "Uh, bunions?"

Captain Underpants

Son #1 and I were riding in the car last year when we passed through a construction site.

Son #1 (plugging his nose): "What is that smell?"
Me: "It's coming from those trucks that are repaving the road."
Son #1: "Oh I get it. Is that why they put the 'ass' in asphalt?"

Damn. There are adults who don't get the subtle nuances of the English language as well as a six year old.

Thank you Captain Underpants.