I Just Gotta Be Me

I ran across this simple quote from Annie Dillard and it made me gasp:

How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.

Is this really how I want to spend my life?

I was speaking with a potential client last week and, at the end of our professional conversation which went extremely well, I shared a silly story with him. He politely stood up to leave and I was immediately stricken with self-doubt and loathing. I was asking myself on the drive home and well into the night, "Why did you have to add that last part?" or "Why can't you learn to keep your mouth shut?" WWSD? (Insert boss' name instead of Jesus.)

My boss and I talked about this scenario on our way home from another client in the Adirondacks late last night. She had a similar experience with him and felt much the same as I. A little comforting but it still begs the question: Am I living my life with integrity?

Am I being myself? Can I find a so-called career that better suits me? While I'm increasingly more comfortable in a stifling professional environment, I want more. Half the time, I feel like I'm pretending to be someone else.

I really do love my clients. I want them to succeed. I enjoy helping them.

But can't I do it with a hint of personality, too? Or is that unacceptable?

I just want to dance.

Role models

I’ve been interviewing a lot of job candidates lately for client-related positions ranging from Executive Administrative Assistants to Controllers and I’ve noticed the following. A lot of the younger candidates for positions—who I typically find to be much more in tune with themselves, level-headed, well spoken, focused and driven then I was at their age—respond to the query, “Describe for me a leader you admire,” with a narrative of their father or mother whereas older individuals cite a current/former manager, military strategist or President (including one nomination for George Bush recently but that’s another rant altogether).

Did parenting change over the past 25+ years or rather, as you age, do different types of leaders emerge in your consciousness to change the frame of reference? Worse yet, perhaps the impact of parenting lessens over time?

Regardless of the cause, after listening to scores of aspiring, freshly minted college graduates give testimony to the strong character development functions their parents provided, the sound role models they were, and the solid foundation of integrity and ethics imparted, I am suddenly keenly aware of my own responsibility as a parent and the enormous impact I can have on the success of my kids both short- and long-term.

I now aspire to be the future response to that same question when my children are on their many job interviews throughout life. And color me a braggart, but I think I can top George Bush . . .