Lessons Learned

What I learned over the weekend:

1. When little boys say they're "okay," they're not
2. You should never take sick boys snowboarding
3. If you do take sick boys snowboarding, you should have sickness bags in your car
4. Said sickness bags should be easily accessible (vs. in the trunk)
5. When you remind little boys that your car is new and ask if you need to pull over, you should pull over regardless of their response
6. When little boys change their minds and state that they're feeling a bit sick, they mean it
7. The timeframe between starting to ask mom to pull over and puking is approximately one-tenth of one second in duration (rendering a complete sentence obsolete)
8. Gatorade-laden vomit isn't nearly as stinky or chunky as other types
9. Gatorade-laden vomit washes out of new car upholstery and snow gear fairly easy
10. Some days, it's good to be back at work

The Art of Success

My oldest brother, the contra-proverbial “white sheep” of our family, is a PhD-level economist by trade prior to starting his own investment firm with some other brainiacs . Somehow, in the pursuit of his work-related research (at least that’s what I’d like to believe), he comes across a multitude of studies on variables that factor into success – or lack thereof – all of which point to my ultimate failure in life such as being:

1. short
2. a girl
3. the youngest child
4. born in the mid-60s
5. born in the winter
6. schooled early
7. blond (not sure that was really one of the studies but it sounds apropos)

Finally, a few months ago, he found a study that looked promising: that teenage binge drinking correlated to higher earnings as an adult due, in part, to the heightened ability for those young lushes to learn the art of socialization. Alas, the last line of the study stated that the findings were unrelated for females.

He now claims, based on "happiness research" cited by Will Wilkinson, that the reason I’m so f*ed up (to use his term), is not because of any of these factors but rather because I’m a status-obsessed liberal.

I’m going to have to mull that over at the country house this weekend.