Joseph Revisited

Today, my church began a series on Joseph -- one of many stories in the Bible that I love. As my pastor was talking about different obstacles that can trip us up (e.g., from sexual indiscretion to imprisonment), he stated that oftentimes difficulties arise from taking misguided advice from people we trust. Not that they're purposefully trying to steer us in the wrong direction necessarily but they have their world views, inherent fears and vantage points, as well.

It occurred to me that I suffer most from my own internal critic. My entire life I have been surrounded by parents and friends who told me that I could accomplish anything that I wanted. I was raised in a middle class family, went to good schools, traveled a fair amount as a child and didn't lack anything. Unlike Joseph, I've basically been handed everything in life and yet still I struggle. Is this the inevitable outcome of a privileged life?

Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing? Am I where I'm supposed to be? I haven't had a burning bush, a vision, a dream or an audible voice steering me in the right direction but there have been times when I've been awash in the pure awareness and confidence that God is present and taking care of me. Now is not one of those times.

Lately, I struggle with feeling overlooked. While I know without a shadow of a doubt that this thought cannot be true, I still take colossal amounts of time to feel sorry for myself. I try to remind myself that I am abundantly blessed. I have a job that pays well, a great family, my health and am surrounded by people who love me. But I still go back to, "Is this it?" or is there a greater plan for me? Then I'll read a book about the Holocaust and feel so unbelievably self-absorbed. I have soooo much -- why am I grousing?

Last Wednesday, I went to a funeral for the mother of one of my bible study girlfriends. During the eulogy, Kim talked about how her mom never once complained. Even when her health was failing and they couldn't figure out what was wrong, she kept repeating, "God has been good to me." As I headed back to the office after the service, I stopped for a few minutes in Durand Eastman Park to watch the waves roll in and pray.

Please let me, who has so much, be thankful for all of my blessings. And help me to firmly believe, and rest in the fact that, God cares so much about me that he knows every possible thought, dream and desire of my soul.

"Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Luke 12:7