Free Advice

I just got a call from a sales rep who wanted to set up a 30 minute web demonstration with me to view their research database. He began by saying, "It's the perfect tool for your organization."

How does he know what's best for our organization without having a preliminary discussion?

So I told him how we conduct research, the access we already had to competitive tools and the varying types of projects for which we employ secondary research.

Because he had his talking points and his script, he didn't quite understand what to do with that information that I had given him. With no ability to deviate from his intended path, he again tried talking me into watching his demo. Not gonna happen: not on my billable hours and certainly not on my personal time.

I dropped to the bottom line: how much does your database cost?

He responded by saying that, since it's newly introduced, it's being aggressively sold for only $12K per year. So I asked him, for that much money, why we should invest. I was expecting a benefits-related sale but he restated that it is the best tool for our organization. Oh really?!

I told him that he was wasting his time with me and then gave him some free (read: unsolicited) advice: 1) ask probing questions to find out more about any organization's needs before pitching them, 2) target larger companies that are more likely to have budgets to support this solution, and 3) provide a back-of-the-envelope cost-benefit analysis to justify the expenditure.

If my billable rate is $1500/day and his solution can save me eight hours of research on a per-client basis, I can breakeven after only eight projects.

Here's where he could have potentially engaged me in conversation*:

• The quality of the data I currently employ -- often from myriad, conflicting sources and frequently a source of confusion
  
• Concerns around the ability to find critical pieces of data needed to ensure the recommendations we're offering, and the assumptions on which they are based, are solid
• The potential ramifications/consequences to my clients of a misguided strategy
  

Nah. Instead, he thanked me for my time and hung up.

I'm now left wondering why his company either didn't hire more qualified sales reps or provide adequate training for those on board.

What a waste of time and money.

*Note: not strong concerns. We're extremely careful and conservative with our assumptions.

Office Porn

My boss (talking about one of our clients): I love him. If he wasn't happily married, I would run off with him.

Me: What about Joe? (Name changed to protect the innocent.) I thought he was the man!

My boss: Wow, him too! Did you see his gross margins?

Dress for Finesse

I just came across the following bit of advice:

[Creative] Directors do not wear band shirts, ripped jeans and Chuck Taylors. If you are looking to move up in the industry, dress for where you want to be, not where you are.

I thought I would adopt the opposite philosophy for myself:

Management consultants should embrace band shirts, ripped jeans and Chuck Taylors. If you are looking to remember that you once had something that remotely passed for personality and yearn for those idyllic days, dress for where you want to be, not where you are.

Bullsh*t Generator

A couple of years ago, at the request of a friend, I met a U of R MBA student at a local coffee shop who was looking for a job. When I asked her what she wanted to do, she kept telling me that she wanted to “mitigate risk.” If I attempted to discern how she was planning to do this (e.g., more vibrant “piso mojado” signs, cars that won’t start depending on the blood alcohol level of the driver, fat-free Cheetos, fashion-forward arm bands that prevent electrostatic discharge on the production line), she looked at me as if I were the biggest dolt on the planet and carefully repeated the phrase (albeit differently). “If there is inherent risk in an organization, I seek to minimize it.” Yeah, okay. Your textbooks are really paying off. Well, good luck with that!

A few weeks ago, I received an email from another student whom I know not asking if we could get together so she could find out more about consulting. “Sure!” was my response -- never to be heard from again. Was it the welcoming tone of my reply that was so off-putting?

Today I received a solicitation from said grad school asking me if I would kindly “make a positive impact on the life of a Simon student” by reviewing the career objectives and resumes of a student or two. Why not? Our clients are always hiring and oftentimes cannot find the right candidate.

I clicked over to the school’s web site for job-seeking students and lo and behold: I’ve never seen so many internally focused claims (I am, I have, I learned, I generated profit). Yes, I get it. It’s a resume and they need to tout themselves; however, don’t they realize they also need to apply Marketing 101 to their job search? I don’t really care what you do; I care about what you’re going to do for me.

“I’m simply looking for a position which will continuously make me learn and apply myself, while adding value through solution-based initiatives.”

Seriously? Awesome. Can you also utilize bleeding-edge paradigms?

Please add some value through solution-based initiatives for me. Solve this: I’m all out of coffee (or would that be patience?). What on earth shall I do?