Sunday, November 30, 2008

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Q: What do you get when you mix CVS's finest "lighted porcelain angel tree top" with a sledgehammer, vintage dog head and a glue gun?

A: An updated version of a family classic -- but with a new, ultra-gaudy gown!

From this heinous masterpiece:


To this delightful little pooch who's ready to adorn our tree:


I rescued the dog's head, little black paws (which aren't shown in this photo) and the original, padded silver fabric wings as the CVS garden variety came with clear, plastic wings. We can finally ring in the season with, er, taste . . .

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Talking Smock

Sheer fantabulousness close to home: Smock! Absolutely beautiful thank you notes, party invitations, wrapping paper, Christmas cards, etc. all designed and printed using 20 letterpresses in sunny, downtown Syracuse, NY.



The best part? At $14 for a box of six or eight, they're affordable. Support your local artisans!

Friday, November 28, 2008

Papier Mache

I'm not really into folk art but aren't these sweet little blue birds adorable? Or this awesome Labrador?



I love how Etsy enables shops like this to thrive. I just wish I were crafty enough to create and sell my own pieces. Instead, I could spend the better part of a day going from seller to seller and checking out the handcrafted goods. Sure beats hitting the mall during the Christmas season!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!

As it was in the beginning (one love!)
So shall it be in the end (one heart!)
All right
Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right
Lets get together and feel all right
----------------

I love Thanksgiving. An entire day dedicated to being thankful for our blessings -- of which I have many. As much as Thanksgiving will forever remind me of NYC and countless holidays spent with my grandpa (not to mention the requisite Black Friday trip to Bloomingdale's), I woke up thinking about a more recent Thanksgiving today. Specifically, when my brother Mark and his wife were in town from North Carolina a couple of years ago. My sister-in-law Stephanie and I stopped by a local country dive bar called "The Roost." When we arrived, we were the only people there so we called everyone to join us. Even Grannie, who really doesn't drink, came for a cocktail.

An hour later (maybe two?), this place that I had previously never heard of was packed to the gills with line dancing. Yee haw! There was a really cute (alcohol talking?) DJ named David Lee wearing a cowboy hat and teaching us all to dance. Yes, us. That is until we got kicked off the dance floor for not paying the cover charge . . . no perks for getting there early?

I've since learned that The Roost is hopping all of the time. Who knew? Needless to say, I've never been back. But if Steph is interested in driving back up here, I'm willing to pay the cover!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Friday, November 21, 2008

Depends . . .

Question: What's the worst part about coming to work super early?

Answer: The fact that I can't leave my office to go to the ladies room without tripping the alarm system.

More than you cared to know?

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Sunflowers and Snow

I bought the most beautiful bouquet of flowers for my desk on Monday from Wegman's for under ten bucks. They look like they were delivered fresh from Arenas. Bright red/orange sunflowers mixed with gorgeous greens that seem to me (i.e., an un-naturalist!) to be herbs, berries and funky grasses. Just looking at this arrangement is helping me to forget that just behind me, outside my wall o' windows, lies a row of pine trees laden with snow. Snow!

The blanket of snow on the lawn between homes is so idyllic that it's hard to believe there were near white-out conditions while I was driving home through the park last night. Cars off the road due to black ice. Portions of the expressway closed.

Please remind me again: why do I live here?

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Life be not Proud

A couple of years ago, my siblings and I began crafting our mother’s obituary. Even though she’s thankfully in perfect health (i.e., she’s feeling spry!), we thought we could get a leg up on this unfortunate event -- not to mention obtain her permission beforehand to take certain liberties with her public tribute, so to speak.

For whatever reason, I seem to have misplaced what was written; however, I’m pretty sure it started with something to the effect of “died suddenly due to a chocolate overdose” and continued with the line “leaves behind her lifelong passion of making fun of other people’s obituaries.” Since then, every once in a while, mom will call or email with a stolen line from a new obituary that she wants to co-opt for her own.

“Should we add ‘avid bowler’?” asks the woman who needs help lifting small objects.

“This one says 'spectacular mother of . . . ' ” she says, pausing for dramatic effect.

Last weekend, our local paper printed the mother lode of all obits which was (I believe) written firmly tongue in cheek by a local woman’s loving daughter and someone whom I wish I knew!

Sample lines from what may be one of the lengthiest obits ever written include:

  • Predeceased by her parents, brother, 163 cats, 9 dogs, 4 horses, and numerous chickens.
  • Ann's early years were touched by the Depression, and were pivotal in developing what she termed “Cliffy syndrome,” the exultant satisfaction derived from saving money. Ann relished trading thrift stories with other members of the family also afflicted.
  • Ann loved growing things; be it plants, a savings account, or paperwork on her desk.
  • Ann also enjoyed the music section; in her lifetime she blew out three sets of stereo speakers: on Polkas, Sousa marches, and Placido Domingo.
  • There will be no service, as per her emphatic command not to drag those who loved her over emotional hot coals. (Note: my favorite of all and oddly enough my mom's wish, as well!)
  • Donations in her memory may be made to Habitat for Cats or you can adopt one or more of the 31 houseplants and tender perennials she has in the basement.
  • Mother Nature requests everyone living near my parents to step up their efforts for wildlife, as there will be significant slack to be taken up.

Per our mom's request, I'm pretty sure ours will be much, much shorter. But I take comfort in the fact that other families may be as willing to laugh in the face of tough subjects as ours!

Friday, November 14, 2008

Multi-tasking at its Finest

Son #1 picked up the phone a minute ago.

Son #1: "Oh hi Mama. We're just watching Phineas and Ferb."

Me: "Cool. What's daddy doing?"

Son #1: "He's watching it with us. But now he's pretending to snore so he doesn't have to talk to you."

Thursday, November 13, 2008

It's Holiday Time Again!

I sat with a client briefly yesterday to discuss the details of their holiday party: decorating the atrium and tree, food, wine, invitations, etc.

In the course of planning, I was reminded of a joke my grandfather used to tell where two friends run into each other on the street. One says to the other, "Did you hear that Myrna's having an affair?" and the other responds, "Oh? Who's the caterer?"

Padum pum.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Our Bon Vivant

Son #2 has been wearing his new robe from Target so much that we've begun calling him "Hef."


In return, in his typical style, he's been unexpectedly peppering us with unique colloquialisms as only a seven year old can deliver. "What the hef are you doing?" or "Hey, what the hef is going on around here?"

William Safire would be proud. As would Hef methinks.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

You're in the Right Neighborhood When . . .

Your girlfriend next door welcomes you home on a Friday evening with a personalized chalk illustration on your front doorstep!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

And They'll Know We Are Christians by Our Love

As a result of this election, I'm being inundated with heaps of upsetting messages from my Christian friends including:
  • Emails regarding Obama's potential choice of "fanatically pro-abortion" Kathleen Sebelius for a cabinet position. Yet, according to an April 2008 press release from her office as governor of Kansas, "Over the last several years, we have worked on lowering abortion rates in Kansas by focusing on adoption incentives, extended health services for pregnant women, providing sex education and offering a variety of support services for families. Those efforts are having a positive impact; recently we learned that the abortion rate in Kansas continues to go down." In addition, according to the Kansas Department of Health and Environment, abortions have declined 9% since she took office in 2002. What gives?
  • A celebratory email regarding California's Prop 8 decision which my girlfriend Melanie at Left Coast Mom thankfully covered exceptionally well regarding the embedded hypocrisy. So if my hubby dies, I cannot remarry as a Christian because I have no intention of procreating? Yeah, okay.
  • Prayers regarding if the enemy is behind Obama's victory. Meanwhile, we're in two wars and the economy is tanking. Are those crises Obama's fault? No. So why is the current regime somehow more acceptable and more Christ-like? I sincerely do not get it.
When did being a Democrat become synonymous with being anti-Christian? When did it become acceptable for Republicans to become "one issue" (i.e., morality-based) voters? At what point is it okay to restrict people's civil rights and liberties based on the moral majority? Shouldn't living by Christian tenets be each individual's choice vs. a government mandate? Is the U.S. becoming Iraq's radical Christian doppleganger?

Most importantly, I firmly understand why people don't want to be associated with my belief system. My walk with Christ is just that: my walk. Not yours. Not anyone else's. But if we continue to be unloving toward those who are not on the same path, then I can guarantee that I'll be walking alone. Who on earth would want to join me?

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Farm Fetid Kitchen

Son #2 wanted Thanksgiving dinner for his birthday and the hubby obliged with a fabulous turkey, homemade stuffing and the most delicious, creamy, summer squash soup ever known to mankind. With meals like that at home, why venture out?

To have fun with your girlfriends, that's why! To celebrate birthdays. To de-stress. To catch up. To try new restaurants. To drink martinis. And to write blog postings . . .

Step aside vomit-inducing meal across the street, welcome Farm Fresh Kitchen! As stated on their website, "We believe meals can taste divine and still be good for you too. Really -- it can be done." Just not at their restaurant -- something they failed to mention.

Oh, where to begin? Maybe a laundry list will suffice: the rolls were stale, the pumpkin martini didn't taste like pumpkin, my quarter-sized tuna credo tasted like it spent the better part of a day rotting on the pier, someone dumped a liter of salt in the couscous, and the gnocchi was pure mush. On a minor note, we got a different bottle of wine than ordered; however, it was fine. Thankfully our waitress took the tuna off the bill and gave us a free dessert (for the birthday girl at the table).

But at $48 per person, not remotely worth the investment.

Oddly enough, the place was empty. I wonder why.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Monkey Turns Seven

Happy birthday Monks!

Son #2 is on the couch wearing a blue robe (that's covered in basketballs, footballs and soccer balls). He's wearing a Clone Trooper face mask, holding his drum sticks, and singing the Ramones, "shoot 'em in the back now."

It doesn't get much better than this. You just never know what to expect with kids.

Speaking of which, while trick-or-treating the other night, I warned the kids, "Do NOT say anything bad about the candy anyone gives you." Why? Because last year an old man was handing out Necco wafers and all the kids were saying, "Ew." To his face.

This year all went well until we got to one house where Son #1 didn't say "Thank you." I asked, "Dude, did you even say thanks?"

"No, she smelled like Subway."

Subway. Eat Fresh. And stink up the house, apparently.